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What If The SU Judicial Board Ruled The World?

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Case: The JonBenet Ramsey Murder

The Assumption: That her parents, John Bennett & Patricia Ramsey, murdered her and tried to make it look like an intruder. Public opinion was overwhelmingly against them.

How the SU Judicial Board would have handled it: Both sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole.

What ended up happening: Both parents were eventually cleared of any wrong-doing by DNA evidence.

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Case: Olympic Park bombing in Atlanta

The Assumption: Richard Jewell, a security guard who was at first hailed as a hero, was actually the bomber.

How the SU Judicial Board would have handled it:  Jewell is fired as security guard and sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole.

What ended up happening: Jewell was exonerated of any wrongdoing and the real bomber was caught.  Sadly, Jewell's life was essentially ruined by the intense media scrutiny.  He died at the age of 44.  Pretty crappy.

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Case: Jesus Christ is sentenced to death.

The Assumption:  The Jews did it!

How the SU Judicial Board would have handled it: All Jews are barred from taking part in university-related activities and the local Hillel chapter will not be allowed to host activities on campus.  Also, all Jews are sentenced to life in prison without the possiblity of parole.

What ended up happening:  Well, I guess it's still TBD depending on who you ask.  But either way, it worked out pretty well for JC.  As David Cross says, "That MADE him!"

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Case: The Mrs. Andy Dufresne & Her Lover Double Murder

The Assumption:  Through a collection of extremely damning yet extremely circumstantial evidence, Andy Dufresne must have killed them both in a jealous rage.  (He really didn't).

How the SU Judicial Board would have handled it: Probably exactly the same way the court in the movie did.  Sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole.

What ended up happening:  Hope.  And a river of shit from whence Andy came out clean on the other side.  Eventually he moved to Zihuatanejo with his hetero-lifemate.

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Case: The OJ Simpson Murder Trial

The Assumption: In a fit of jealous rage, O.J. Simpson killed Nicole Brown-Simpson and Ron Goldman.

How the SU Judicial Board would have handled it:   Sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole.

What ended up happening:  He got off scot free...at least for a while.  Okay, in this instance, the SU Judicial Board would have been better...