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Zip Zap Rap

Let's get to know the Akron Zips, shall we?

And Which Crazy Cult Are You Guys Affiliated With?
"[Akron] was founded in 1870 as a small college affiliated with the Universalist Church."
What the hell is that?
"Universalists believe that the God of love would not create a person knowing that that person would be destined for eternal damnation. Thus, they concluded that any existing person must be destined for salvation...Some Universalists believe that Hell exists as a temporary abode for those who have died unreconciled to God, but where God continues to work with the souls in Hell and will lead them eventually to the salvation God intends for all persons.
That doesn't sound too bad actually. God sounds like a pretty cool dude, like a guy from Big Brother And Big Sisters of America who visits you every couple days, takes you to SeaWorld, buys you a comic book and half-heartedly asks how you're doing while checking his blackberry. Then, all of a sudden, he stops showing up and you never see him again. Years later you find out he was just doing it cause he got a DUI and needed to do 50 hours of community service.

So I say we thank God for his court-mandated love.

Shame, The Butchel Butchers Really Rolls Off The Tongue
The University of Akron was founded as Buchtel College in 1870. In 1913, Buchtel College trustees transferred the institution and its assets to the city of Akron.

We'll Hope to Play In The InfoCision Bowl One Day Soon.
On August 1, 2007, the University's Board of Trustees announced that a new stadium, InfoCision Stadium, on East Exchange Street, is slated to open in September 2009, with groundbreaking in October 2007. The stadium is expected to have up to 30,000 seats and will replace UA's current stadium, the Rubber Bowl.

And what exactly does
InfoCison do? They "specializes in telemarketing services in nonprofit fundraising, direct-to-consumer sales and business-to-business applications" of course. Duh.

That's Not A Bad Idea. Watch Your Back, University Sheraton

Because Brown Street, Walaroo, Joey, and Wallaby residence halls are in the new footprint of the stadium, the University has
purchased the Quaker Square Crowne Plaza Hotel and shopping complex, with plans to convert the rooms to ultimately accommodate about 400 students.

Plus, you'll never want for Bavarian hand-twisted treats with a Wetzel's Pretzels down the hall from your dorm room.

Could Be Worse, Your Mascot Could Be a Fruit Not Indigenous To Anywhere Near Your University

The University of Akron's athletic teams are known as the "Zips," originally short for "Zippers," overshoes that were nationally popular in the 1920s and 1930s, and the zipper—an invention from Akron (Judson). The university's mascot is "Zippy." A Kangaroo, Zippy is one of only eight female college mascots in the United States. Zippy currently holds the title of Capital One National Mascot of the Year.
Payback time, Otto.

Paint Your Wagon...Wheel

Akron's major football rivalry is with Kent State, whom they play for the Wagon Wheel (Series currently 19-17-1 in favor of Kent State):
The story goes that John R. Buchtel was searching for a site to start a new college in 1870 near what is now Kent State University when his wagon became stuck in the mud. The horses pulled the wagon apart and one of the wheels ended up being buried. Buchtel would eventually settle on a site in Akron for Buchtel College, which would eventually become the University of Akron. In 1902, while digging for a pipeline in Kent, the wheel was discovered and eventually came into the possession of Kent State dean of men Dr. Raymond Manchester. It was he who suggested in 1945 that the wheel be used as a trophy for the winner of the Kent State-Akron football game.
Just once, I wish someone would refer to me as a "dean of men."

Detroit Bowl City

In 2005, the Akron Zips won their one and only MAC championship, earning them a berth in the Motor City Bowl. They lose to Memphis. It remains their only bowl game appearance to date.
Hey, give them a break, they've only been 1-A since 1987. Baby steps...

Syracuse Has The Express, Akron Will Have The Star Dancer.
Notable Akron football alumni include New York Football Giant Chase Blackburn, Charlie "I Was An NFL Starter. Seriously" Fyre, and current Redskin and Dancer to the Stars Jason Taylor.

Brookhart, P.I.
With a name like J.D. Brookhart, you'd expect him to be solving crimes in a sexy noir novella set in South Beach, not in his fifth season of coaching the Akron Zips.

All things considered Brookhart has done reasonably well. He led the team to their only conference title and bowl game in 2005. Since then the Zips has leveled off but he still got a win over rival Kent State last season. J.D. signed a five-year extension in 2006 so Akronites (Akronians?) can expect to see him around for at least a little while longer.

He also seems to be a big hit over at
the Spaghetti Warehouse.

He worked as a copier salesman for a few years before taking an unpaid assistant position with the Denver Broncos. He parlayed that into an assistant gig with Pitt where he worked his way up to offensive coordinator. From there became head coach at Akron. Not too shabby.

Oh and if case you're wondering, Greg and J.D. crossed paths while at Denver. Let's hope Greg really rubbed off on the guy...

Too Bad We Haven't Moved To The Big Ten...Yet
Last weekend's 38-17 loss to Wisconsin kept intact Akron's dubious streak against Big Ten teams:
Akron hasn't beaten a Big Ten opponent in nearly 114 years. The Zips earned a 12-6 win over the Buckeyes in their only game of the 1894 season, losing their other 16 games against the Big Ten.
The Annual Battle for The Salty Tire
It's the first-ever meeting for the two schools. Since Akron only joined Division 1-A in 1987, it's not a huge surprise. In terms of shared recent opponents, they both played UConn, Miami (OH) and Buffalo last season. Both teams lost to Miami and UConn. However, while the Orange handled the Bulls from Buffalo, the Fightin' Turner Gills were too much for the Zips. We win!

As always, HT to
Wikipedia and CFDW.