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Which Kidney Would You Like To Sell To See The Express?

Tickets to the Sept. 12 Syracuse premiere of "The Express" movie go on sale Friday. So that gives you less than 24 hours to finish whatever highly-illegal but highly-profitable transaction you are engaged in so that you can afford tickets to the event. Just to recap, here's the difference price levels and what comes with each of them:

$1000 Level
The opportunity to walk the "orange carpet"

Floor seat at the Movie Screening

A special gift pack
Access to the VIP area at the '50s-themed post-premiere party at the Onondaga County War Memorial
DOCTOR Daryl Gross will personally shake your hand and distract you while Nancy Cantor checks your pockets for any reisidual money you may have on your person.*

$500 Level

Loge seat at the Movie Screening

Entry into the post-premiere party

Chance to touch the orange velvet rope that will seperate you from the VIPS for up to ten seconds*

$250 Level
Balcony seat at the Movie Screening

Entry into the post-premiere party

The chance to have DOCTOR Daryl Gross look you up and down and decide you're not worth speaking with before approaching a group of Syracuse VIPs who will turn in your direction, look at you and agree with DOCTOR Gross that you are not worth speaking with.*

*May or may not be real

For that extremely small percentage of you who can't afford those ticket levels, fear not. Syracuse has set aside some reasonably-priced tickets to at least appear inclusive:
To ensure inclusiveness and an opportunity for members of the SU and Central New York communities to attend the premiere, 200 specially priced $44 tickets will go on sale at 8 a.m. Monday, Aug. 18, at the Carrier Dome Box Office
"To ensure inclusiveness?" Guys, you're not supposed to actually say that! You might as well say "to ensure that poor people can join us as well..." Oh, and those $44 tickets only get you into the screening. If you want into the dice.

A block of free tickets will also be set aside for SU students, to be doled out once the semester begins in what is sure to be a highly dubious manner.

Even if you can't get into the screening, you can still head down to the theater where some of SU's best-ever will be on hand for the film.
Jim Brown, Floyd Little, Don McPherson, Art Monk and some 40 members of the 1959 championship team
Get the full scoop over at and start working on your impression of a long-lost Syracuse football player who demands access to the VIP Party. "Whuddya mean you don't know who I am? I caught three touchdowns in the Cherry Bowl, I'll have you know!"