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Octonion: Reloaded

A secret society of the eight wealthiest mascots in the Northeast convenes at an estate in Providence, RI, otherwise known as Mike Tranghese’s basement. Chips and mango-peach salsa are served.


They control the Northeastern bank money supplies, Fort Dix, ESPN and the Weslyan College student newspaper.

They are known as The Octonion. The recordings of their previous meetings can be found here, here, here and here.

Where are the hot dogs?

There’s hot dogs?

That’s what I was told. We’re having an emergency meeting, hot dogs will be served.

I don’t see any hot dogs.

I see an asshole from Ohio who needs to get out of my face.

Ocho Cinco's here?

There was no mention of hot dogs in my email.

Hot dogs, hummus and Halifax Nova Scotia!

(Mountaineer steps to the podium)

Playyyyyaaaaaas, chillax.

Mountaineer, let me be the first to congratul-

Zip it, pencil beak. We’ve got some serious shit to discuss. First up...where are my...what the...where the fuck are my notes?

Lose something?

Who the fuck took my papers?

Don’t look at us.


Kind sir, can we please quicken the pace? I have two invitations to the Rutgers-Villanova roundball contest this eve and shant want to miss it.

I’ll save you the suspense, you lose.

You speak of future days? What kind of foul sorcery this is?

Well look, I’m got us all here cause I wanted to let you guys know about the College Football Blog Awards.

Blogs, bumblebees and bramblerun!

Sounds kinda gay.

And what’s wrong with that?

I don’t mean gay in the "gay" way. I mean gay as in faggy. I mean, I don’t mean-

Stop talking.

Look, it’s this award thing going on online. They reward the hardest working college football bloggers out there.

What do they win?

A jpeg.

What’s that, like when a you’re doing a chick from behind and then you smear-

No! No, but I know what you’re thinking…and I’ve done that.

Fuck yeah! (they high-five)

It’s a tiny image you place on your website that about 150 people know means that you write good and shit.



Alright, so how do we win?

We don’t win, but we need to get our Big East bloggers nominated.

My bloggers aren’t talking to me right now.

I don’t blame them.

Kragthorped, bitch!

My lieges…

Can you pluralize liege like that?

I will pluralize the amount of bullhorns up your ass if you don’t let the man talk.

My lieges, what is this you speak of, a blog?

Silly, it’s a website that provide commentary or news on a particular subject, in this case college football.

What, praytell, is a website?

It’s a collection of information, images or videos on the Internet.

What is-



You know what, we’re just gonna move along. Can everyone just get the word out to their bloggers to get nominations in this week? There’s a Big East blog category specifically that we should own.

Why wouldn’t we?



Well for some reason they lump in the Notre Dame bloggers.




Is that fair?



I don’t know, let’s ask the Leprechaun how he feels? Leprechaun?


Oh that’s right, he’s not here cause Notre Dame doesn’t fucking play football in the Big East! That’s like putting Cincinnati in the Big East.

But we are in the Big East.

Shut the fuck up. Wait, who are you?

I shall send scribes to the four corners of my kingdom. My people will hear the word of the impending vote, put down their meatball subs and heed its call.

Why not just send out an email?



What is

Okay enough, fine, we’ll vote for Big East blogs. Happy? Now where the fuck are my hot dogs?



As promised, hot dogs and Diet Dr. Pepper available in the back. See you guys in August.

Knight, I don't get how you don't have email. I mean, you don't actually live in medieval times.


Have you BEEN to New Brunswick, sir?

Alright, who wants a hot dog?

Gross. No thank you.

It’s not actual dog, you know?

Yes thank you, dick. I don’t eat pig.


It’s a filthy animal.


I just watched you eat your own feces.

Yeah, and there wasn’t any pork in it.


Why were you watching him eat his own feces?


………it’s my thing.

Fecal matter, flautas and Fresca!

The Octonion urges you to vote for you favorite Big East blogs NOW! The polls close January 27th.