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Getting Daryl Gross Canned, $25 At A Time

In its quest to raise a billion dollars, Syracuse is already halfway home. As of October, the university had already raised $509 million. That number must be higher by now, but the chances that we have indeed raised the full billion is not likely.

As you can imagine, this is 100% your fault. Perhaps if you weren't so stingy with your money for stupid things like rent and food, Syracuse might be able to raise enough money to pay for its 2-10 football program. Instead, there you sit on your throne of decadence in Schenectady, living off the fat of the land, not even bothering to throw meager Syracuse University, which is being held together by duct tape I'll have you know, a tiny morsel.

So I'm sure you won't mind if the university calls you up and asks for a small donation. Just a token of appreciation for your time there and to make up for that time you threw up on the sidewalk outside Kimmel after winning a Gordita-eating contest at 1 AM. Those streets don't clean themselves, you know? Who do you think got stuck with that bill? And besides, we're selling those Gorditas at only a 30% markup. THIRTY PERCENT! WHO CAN LIVE LIKE THIS???

So, yes, excuse SU if they feel the need to beg you to give them money from time to time. Of course, no matter what they say the ball is still in your court. If you're gonna give some of your hard-earned money to someone, surely you expect it to be put to good use, no? And if you have concerns over the way things are being handled, surely you are allowed to air said grievances.

Take, for example, the response one reader and SU alum received from "The Fund For Syracuse" after they implied the best use for the $4.78 in his pocket was to pay for magic gold dust that would be sprinkled on
the walls of L.C. Smith College of Engineering and Computer Science.

Poor Jessica. It sounded like such a sweet gig for $7.15/hour. Now she basically spends her days calling people to listen to them bitch about some doctor who's involved with the football team. He must be a really shitty physician or something.