It's The centerpiece of the weekend is of course the Syracuse football game. Long a placeholder for Temple or Rutgers, this game introduced parents to the excitement and high-stakes drama that could only come from a game that was usually out of reach by halftime. But now that WE'RE the creampuff, Syracuse has no choice but to actually schedule real teams for this game, leading to the extremely awkward position of being the drubee in front of a crowd packed full of onlookers all thinking "I'm paying $30,000 a year for THIS?"
Lest you think this weekend was only about mechanically unsound football, take a gander at some of the many wonders that await you on
Friday, 2-4pm
"Take Your Family to Class."
The only thing better than sharing the Daily Orange crossword with your parents in the back of the auditorium during "Rocks for Jocks" is finishing the Daily Orange crossword with your parents in the back of the auditorium during "Rocks for Jocks."
Friday, 3pm
"Exploring Fraternity Membership"
Let Syracuse's greek council explain to your parents the difference between a "bro" and a "brah," why stripping other dudes naked and making them dance for you is a "team-building exercise" and how to get all huffy and indignant when others claim frat life is about nothing more than getting drunk and being obnoxious by pointing out the couple times a year they do something for the community without pointing out the fact that the only reason they do these charitable activities is so that when pressed about their value to the community they can then point to said charitable actions as proof.
But I digress...
Friday Night
"Orange Night Live presents alumnus and hypnotist Pete Mamos"
Performing twice "due to high demand," a hypnotist is exactly the kind of safe activity you can do with your parents before this conversation happens:
You: That was so much fun!
Parent: Well, I'm sure you'll want to get us out of your hair and go hang out with your friends.
You: No....no, of course not, let's...
Parent: No, it's late anyway, we'll just meet you in the morning for breakfast.
You: You sure? Maybe you guys want to take a walk on the quad or something?
Parent: No, we're fine. You have a good night. (They leave)
You: (Into phone) Yo, where you at? (beat) Yeah, finally free and clear. (beat) Some gay-ass hypnotist. (beat) Is Staci there? (beat) Doing shots? With her mom? (beat) I'm there, and I'm so shotgunnin' a Keystone Light when I get there!
Annnnnnnd....scene!
Saturday Morning
"Dean's Breakfast"
A chance for your parents to meet the dean of your respective college. More importantly, its a chance for you to finally figure out which one is your dean.
Saturday Night
"Jazz Night" and "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof"
I can just imagine a group of bitter, slightly drunk football fans stumbling out of the Dome and thinking to themselves that the cure for what ails them is a little Tennessee Williams.
Sunday 2pm
"Performance by renowned dancer and choreographer Savion Glover"
Say it with me..."Savion Glover, like you've never seenion him before."