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A Surefire Way To Get The "Bag Of Pennies" On Halloween

Sure its early October but once the tenth month of the year begins, its officially time to start thinking of the single-biggest decision you will make in the next thirty-one days. What costume am I going to wear?

When you were a kid, you figured this was a decision that ended about the time you hit seventeen. Oh no...if anything, this decision becomes ten times more important as you hit your twenties. Like everything else that consumes your life between the ages of 17 and 29, the right costume can get the attention of girls (or in the reverse case, a slutty outfit is a surefire hit at any party). In the Internet era, witty costumes can become the things of Cyberlore, cementing your place as "that guy who first wore that one costume that was pretty funny a couple years ago. Remember that? No? Okay, let's get drunk."

A great costume usually consists of three aspects. Originality, attention-to-detail and the semi-obscurity of your reference. With that in mind, I present everything you need to make your very own Greg Robinson Halloween costume:

#1 - Grey/White wig. Victory cigar certainly not included.

#2 - Football headset. You can even skimp and just use a PS2 headset if you want. It's not like you don't already own one. Dork.

#3 - Blue Syracuse Polo shirt. Sure he's worn orange and white shirts but blue is the polo of choice for Greg. Trust me.

#4 - Khaki pants. Please, no pleats.

#5 - Forlorn look of dismay. If you really want authenticity, all night you'll have to keep that look on your face like you're watching everything around you go horribly wrong and you have no idea what to do about it. Just keep thinking "I knew I should have taken that coordinator job at Tulsa" and the mindset will come to you.

#6 - Some strong wire. This'll make sense in a second.

#7 - An axe. Fake, preferably. But if you're dedicated to your craft...have at it, hoss. You're gonna need a lot of wire, FYI.

And that's it. In 7 easy steps you have transformed yourself. The end result should look a little something like this...

Don't take it personally if you do decide to go out trick-or-treating in the greater Syracuse area and your handful of mini Charleston Chews are replaced by a razor-laced apple. Nothing personal.