After this weekend, which featured some truly horrendous color patterns and palettes, I felt obligated to create a record so that we could look back on this year as, quite possibly, the worst year in college football fashion ever. I give you...
The Top Ten Worst Uniforms In College Football In The Year 2007
10. Tulsa's Red, Gold and Blue Fiesta
If Jackson Pollack made a football uniform, it would just be a abstract collection of seemingly, never-ending dots, colors and lines all over the place and would probably give you seizures if you saw a bunch of people wearing them run by you quickly. This is about the closest thing to it.
9. New Mexico State's Pink Stink
It takes a soul-less, uninformed sleazebag of a person to fault the Aggies for wearing pink socks in honor of breast cancer awareness this past weekend. I am that soul-less, uninformed sleazebag of a person. It looks silly.
8. Arizona State's Just Rolled Out Of Bed Gear
I've always had a sore spot for Arizona State's "Designed For A Pop Warner Team In Poland" look. What's killing me this year is the plain maroon pants that look like leggings girls put on when they're going to yoga on Sunday mornings. Were they always like that?
7. South Florida's Green On Green Crime
Much like the Seattle Seahawks, the Bulls may know that green-on-green just isn't working but they'll be damned if they're going to stop now. On a related note, whoever is responsible for this one-color uniform trend needs to be taken out back and forced to listen to a Greg Robinson press conference until their ears bleed.
6. Washington's Throwback Stepback
I've got a great idea...you know that nationally-televised game against the #1 team in the country that everyone will be watching? You know what's a great way to stand out and make people remember that the University of Washington is back? Let's wear a uniform that makes it look like we're 0-5 Notre Dame. We've even got Ty Willingham on the sidelines, people'll get nostalgic for 2003. Cool? Cool!
5. Cal's Attempt To Out-Oregon-Oregon
What is wrong with the PAC-10? Seriously, I don't understand where these uniform atrocities come from. Is it kinda like how the Big East plays big games on Thursdays cause they're trying to get attention? So whereas the Big East is the exhibitionist of college football ( they do it at irregular times when you wouldn't expect, in front of everyone), the PAC-10 is the whores of college football (they do whatever it takes to be noticed...clearly).
4. Oregon State's Crime Against Eyeballs
Furthermore, what the hell is wrong with the state of Oregon? Any state where these aren't the ugliest college football uniforms is deeply disturbed and needs to have their statehood re-examined. Puerto Rico wouldn't do this kind of stuff. On second thought...
3. Syracuse's None More Orange
I guess you can't win when your color and nickname is Orange. Use it too little and you're avoiding it and not living up to your name. Use it too much and, well...it's orange. I'm pretty sure we still have the navy blue jerseys, how bout we pepper them in every once in a while, eh?
2. Oregon Is Who We Thought They Were
Stay classy, Oregon. We can always count on you.
1. Minnesota's Way Too Golden Gophers
I saw this abomination over the weekend and it was a classic Ron Burgandy moment. I wasn't even mad, I was impressed. On so many levels this is a horrendous decision and yet...it's oddly transfixing. Hypnotic even. What color is that anyway? Goldish maize? Deep yellow? Whatever it is, you haven't lived til you've seen large men head-to-toe in it.
The Top Ten Worst Uniforms In College Football In The Year 2007
10. Tulsa's Red, Gold and Blue Fiesta
If Jackson Pollack made a football uniform, it would just be a abstract collection of seemingly, never-ending dots, colors and lines all over the place and would probably give you seizures if you saw a bunch of people wearing them run by you quickly. This is about the closest thing to it.
9. New Mexico State's Pink Stink
It takes a soul-less, uninformed sleazebag of a person to fault the Aggies for wearing pink socks in honor of breast cancer awareness this past weekend. I am that soul-less, uninformed sleazebag of a person. It looks silly.
8. Arizona State's Just Rolled Out Of Bed Gear
I've always had a sore spot for Arizona State's "Designed For A Pop Warner Team In Poland" look. What's killing me this year is the plain maroon pants that look like leggings girls put on when they're going to yoga on Sunday mornings. Were they always like that?
7. South Florida's Green On Green Crime Much like the Seattle Seahawks, the Bulls may know that green-on-green just isn't working but they'll be damned if they're going to stop now. On a related note, whoever is responsible for this one-color uniform trend needs to be taken out back and forced to listen to a Greg Robinson press conference until their ears bleed.
6. Washington's Throwback Stepback
I've got a great idea...you know that nationally-televised game against the #1 team in the country that everyone will be watching? You know what's a great way to stand out and make people remember that the University of Washington is back? Let's wear a uniform that makes it look like we're 0-5 Notre Dame. We've even got Ty Willingham on the sidelines, people'll get nostalgic for 2003. Cool? Cool!
5. Cal's Attempt To Out-Oregon-Oregon What is wrong with the PAC-10? Seriously, I don't understand where these uniform atrocities come from. Is it kinda like how the Big East plays big games on Thursdays cause they're trying to get attention? So whereas the Big East is the exhibitionist of college football ( they do it at irregular times when you wouldn't expect, in front of everyone), the PAC-10 is the whores of college football (they do whatever it takes to be noticed...clearly).
4. Oregon State's Crime Against Eyeballs
Furthermore, what the hell is wrong with the state of Oregon? Any state where these aren't the ugliest college football uniforms is deeply disturbed and needs to have their statehood re-examined. Puerto Rico wouldn't do this kind of stuff. On second thought...
3. Syracuse's None More Orange I guess you can't win when your color and nickname is Orange. Use it too little and you're avoiding it and not living up to your name. Use it too much and, well...it's orange. I'm pretty sure we still have the navy blue jerseys, how bout we pepper them in every once in a while, eh?
2. Oregon Is Who We Thought They Were
Stay classy, Oregon. We can always count on you.
1. Minnesota's Way Too Golden GophersI saw this abomination over the weekend and it was a classic Ron Burgandy moment. I wasn't even mad, I was impressed. On so many levels this is a horrendous decision and yet...it's oddly transfixing. Hypnotic even. What color is that anyway? Goldish maize? Deep yellow? Whatever it is, you haven't lived til you've seen large men head-to-toe in it.