If the goyim can excuse me for a moment (if you don't know what a goyim is, you are one), Happy New Year, L'Shana Tova and L'Chaim. If you're like me, you spent last night fulfilling your duties at your relatives' house where what should be an intensive three-hour prayer session was condensed into a couple poorly-said blessings and passing some bread around the table while Uncle Herb cracked the same six jokes he cracks every year. This of course was followed by you denying a second helping of matzo ball soup, being forced to eat it cause why wouldn't you want it, eating it, then arguing with your mother/aunt/grandmother than you don't want a third, then being guilted into eating the it by your father cause your mother/aunt/grandmother slaved all day and she thinks you don't eat enough. Eventually you leave bitter, having ingested two pounds of food too many but happy cause your grandfather slipped you a $10 even though you're an adult with a fulltime job.I'd wish the Syracuse football team a Happy New Year as well but I can't seem to figure out if there are any Chosen People on the roster. Short of playing Jew/Not A Jew, the only person I peg as an outside shot is Patrick Shadle and his stomach-only-a-Jewish-mother-could-love. Then again, he's from West Virginia. I'm fairly positive they don't make Jews in Morgantown.
(I decided to check. They do in fact, make Jews in West Virginia. I stand corrected.)
Ed. Note - Max, bubbe, it's a shande for forgetting all about you. Just look at that punum. Thanks Mike for the heads-up.