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The Jews Control The World's Mascot Supply

You'd think with control of the media, the world's money supply and comedy writer's rooms, the Jews would have been content to know that their latke-smelling breathe blows onto all corners of the Earth. Then again, if you've ever looked up Famous Jewish Athletes, you'd realize that there is one corner of our society they have yet to crack.

But the Chosen People can't just magically become better athletes at sports besides soccer and gym basketball. They'll need another way to infiltrate the mainstream.


Mascot conversion.


Just Call Me Juice alerted the world to the latest convert, the University of Miami's Sebastian. Seriously, a Jew in South Florida??? What's next, a Morman running for President?

JCMJ got the link from
Sports Illustrated who made one tactical error those pesky Jews must have been counting on.

Completely off the subject, but Sebastian has to be the only mascot in sports history to have his own Bar Mitzvah.


WRONG! And I wish I could tell you otherwise but you see, Orange Nation, the other Bar Mitzvahee was
none other than Otto!!!

TNIAAM has obtained an actual transcript from Otto's candle-lighting ceremony which we share with you now:

You've led us to many wins each season
Although we've never quite made it to eleven

And despite the fact you can't win when it matters most,

Coach P, come up and light candle number seven.


The question now is who's next?


Harvard's John Harvard? Jewish mothers everywhere say yes.
Delaware's Fighting Blue Hen
YoUDee? I'm pretty sure he is already.
Wake Forest's
Demon Deacon? He's clearly shunned Christianity. He's vulnerable.
Texa's
Bevo? 'Hook'm Horns' might not be the best slogan for Jews.