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The Men In The Ironic Masks

Okay, God, just... want you to look down on these guys here. They're like little flowers, and the rain you send 'em gutta be gentle and sweet. We come to you today, and we ask you to just... help 'em - help us grab this pageant by the balls and rip 'em off! I mean, if those judges don't like us, then screw 'em. These guys here - they're talented, they're pretty, and if those judges say anything different, then I hope that on Judgement Day you put their asses through a meat grinder!... Amen.
-paraphrased, Happy, Texas

If you haven't been watching Fox's new show On The Lot, and judging by the ratings, you haven't, one of the wonderful (in a car-wreck sense) moments each week is sitting back and watching the judges give their own brands of opinion and theory on each film.

There's three in all. One of them is new each week and so far we've been treated to Brett Ratner (Rush Hour), DJ Caruso (Disturbia) and Michael Bay (The Rock). Bay was fantastic this week, bringing an air of superiority mixed with the humongous chip on his shoulder from years of being called a hack. He took great delight in picking the contestants apart...and promoting his new movie Transformers.

Carrie Fisher (Princess Leia) is something of a John Madden-Paula Abdul hybrid. She'll spend a minute explaining what she (and we) just watched and then usually add how much she loved it and how talented the director is.

Finally there is Garry Marshall (Pretty Woman) who has the uncanny ability to work a back-handed compliment into any praise he's giving to the female directors. No matter how he felt about the film and its content, he always find a way to mention how he hopes the director will "follow her female sensibilities" or something to that nature.
It's become a fun game of sorts...waiting for Garry to politely put female directors in their place all-the-while seemingly boosting them up.

I bring all of this up because as a man, er, guy, its not too often I find myself on the objectification side of things. We male bloggers are prone to add sexy photos to posts, point out attractive members of our female sports teams and even ruin the quiet sanctity of life for uber-hot, high school pole vaulters. But alas, the time has come where we will face the same objectifying wrath that we put forth on the female populace.

The ladies of Ladies... decided to assemble a bracket the likes of which you have never seen (and probably never wanted to see). It is the Hot Blogger Bracket. And it pits a gaggle of beasts you thought you'd never have to see against each other in a contest of looks, wits and (ultimately) the amount of people you know. Male bloggers, going head-to-head in the battle to determine who is the most attractive while also being the most insightful. It's an idea that tests the nnarcissistic qualities of every blogger who enters, laying his honor and ego on the line to determine whether at 3am, after six shots of Jaeger, would any of the girls of Ladies... hook up with you in a KFC bathroom stall? We shall find out.

The brackets themselves are a murderer's rows (is that correct grammar?) of sports blogging royalty.

National League West Bracket alone features Will from Deadspin, Awful Announcing, Marco from Just Call Me Juice, With Leather and more, including one shirtless dude doing some kid of scary pose.

The Mid-Atlantic Conference Bracket is fronted by
Dan Shanoff, Kissing Suzy Kolber and One More Dying Quail.

The AFC North Bracket gives some top placement to
Burnt Orange Nation. ESPN's Paul Shirley ensures that even when it comes to silly sports-blog beauty pageants, the Worldwide Leader still finds a way to get involved.

Finally, the fantastically named
Campbell Conference Bracket is led by a EDSBS but there's one fresh-faced kid in there you might recognize (at least the name of his site). If you find yourself in the neighborhood and wanted to drop a know, I wouldn't hold it against you... And if you want to complain as to why this blogging wunderkind is stuck with a #16 seed, well be my guest and complain. Not that I am, or anything...