A while back, Orange Nation got its collective panties in a bunch after hearing that 92,000 fans packed Alabama's stadium for the spring game while the Carrier Dome only accommodated about 3,500 fans for its game. Were we lesser fans for it or were Alabama fans just insane? We walked away slightly divided, but with the understanding that those Crimson Tide folks were probably a couple candles short of a menorah. And so, let there be no doubt about it any longer. I'd like to introduce you to Tyde and Saban Witt as well as little Bryant Crimson McMunn. These sorts of things shouldn't really surprise us, in a world with team-specific coffins and death row inmates who use their last breathes to praise their favorite team. What we can hope for is that all three of them will grow up to be passionate, to-the-bone, die-hard Auburn Tiger fans. The big man upstairs loves irony, I'm sure he'll make it so.
The good folks over at Every Day Should Be Saturday have been (naturally) having some fun with all of this, thinking up some names for the spawn of other collegiate fans. I'm personally a huge fan of Ripper McTavish...it's like a name you came up with when you were creating your own action movie in your backyard. Hopefully you were nine when this was happening and not twenty-seven. Just sayin'.
I don't know of any Syracuse fans who have made the kind of commitment to their alma mater that requires ruining your first-born's entire life, but it got me thinking of some options. In keeping with the Bryant Crimson-style of name-generating, you'd probably end up with 'Schwartzwalder Orange,' which is the worst thing I've ever heard of. Let's extrapolate a little...if you really want your child to hate you, how bout: 'Orangeman Otto' or 'Orangewoman Otto,' however the chromosomes fall. Some of other choices include:
Harrison Graves - there's something classy about it. In fact, I'm gonna jot that down and keep it in a safe place...
McMac Brown - A Donovan/Coach Mac hybrid...sounds like a 70's blaxplotation hero.
Little Orange - Only if you're very confident he'll grow up to be 6"9' and 325.
Crouthamel Csonka - Is it me or is that actually kinda cool? Just me, huh...
Robinson Gross - No. No. No. No. No. NO. NO. NO. NO!
But this isn't just fun for Syracuse, what are the crazies at other Big East schools coming up with?
Rutgers - Schiano Scarlet (or if you're old school, Ambruster Scarlet after Rutger's 1875 head football coach)
UConn - Edsall Furry, Holtz Husky
USF - Grothe Leavitt, Leavitt Bull (which lends itself to Unbe-Leavitt-Bull game sign when he's QB)
Pittsburgh - Wannstedt Pitt, Majors Marino (isn't he on CSI?)
Louisville - Kragthorpe Schnellenberger
Georgetown - Thompson Thompson
West Virginia - I'll defer to the EDSBS comment board for this one...[First Name] Fuckin’ [Last Name], or if you prefer, Nehlen Couchburner
Got any others?