Syracuse University is 137 year's old today. Really. it doesn't look at day over 112. The city of Syracuse went all out for the institution that basically continues to justify its existence, "donated tubes of glitter, packages of crayons and dozens of other art supplies."
Wow, city of Syracuse, you really went all out. I bet it was you that sent me that jello mold for Hanukkah, huh? Wasn't even kosher jello. Pricks.
What else did the University get from its friends for this special occasion?
Daryl Gross - A personalized World's Most Patient Employer trophy and a $20 gift certificate to Wetzel's Pretzels in the Carousel Center
Greg Robinson - Guaranteed three Big East wins in 2007 season*
*guarantee not guaranteed in any court of law and Greg Robinson will be dammed if you do try to prove otherwise
Jim Boeheim - One night with Juli Boeheim (lights off)
Juli Boeheim - A year's supply of Orange Cheese and Ranch Dip
Paul Pasqualoni - a fruitcake (there were high expectations of the fruitcake when it arrived but it severely underperformed taste-wise)
John Desko - Suppressed police reports of eight of lacrosse player felonies committed this season so far
Gerry McNamara - autographed Bakersfield Jam jersey...from Mateen Cleaves
Otto - a promise to stop his yearly petition for genitalia
Doug Gottlieb - ESPNMobile phone
Eric Devendorf - $50 gift certificate to Electric Circus Tattoo Shop ("That's where I'z got minez done. Make sure you see Gonzo, his ink is da balls!")
Gary Walters - An NIT brackets T-shirt
The Powell Brothers - Their current Major League Lacrosse team jerseys*
*All three Powell brothers have since been traded five times each.
Jason Cipolla - Guarantee that he is available next season to have his jersey retired only under any circumstances necessary.
Etan Thomas - a collection of poems and essays entitled "The University Etan Built."
Donovan McNabb - letter of intent for his first born son to play football for the Orange
Troy Nunes - letter of intent for his first born son to play football for anyone but the Orange