End of Days: Georgetown and Syracuse Welcome You To The College Basketball Season

Mitchell Layton

Casual Hoya and Troy Nunes is an Absolute Magician make a joint proclamation on the sunrise of the college hoops season.

Casual Hoya and Troy Nunes is an Absolute Magician make the following joint proclamation:

PROCLAMATION

WHEREAS, the Big East Conference – long the best basketball league in the history of existence, an existence that includes but is not limited to the Cro-Magnon Throw-Wife-Object-Person-Into-A-Cave-Hole League of 43,000 B.C. – is the heart of college hoops; and

WHEREAS, the Big East Conference’s dominance over its 30-plus year history is undisputed and anyone that argues to the alternative is either drunk, living in Greensboro, or (likely) both; and

WHEREAS, Syracuse and Georgetown built this behemoth of a league with their own sweat, blood, punches, screaming matches between coaches, iconic players that transcend the known basketballing abilities of modern man at various points in time, national championships, conference championships, and general antipathy built on nothing more than a shared belief that hate is a one-way street with cars barreling at each other in opposite directions and there is no detour; and

WHEREAS, it is universally acknowledged that Syracuse is departing said conference and abandoning its long-standing basketball history in said conference for the Atlantic Coast Conference;

WHEREAS, it is universally acknowledged that Georgetown is staying in said conference because it was not invited to the bigger party with all the cool kids that play football;

WHEREAS, as such this will be the last go-round for Syracuse and Georgetown as conference enemies (the league’s greatest rivalry), lost in the ether until one calls the other late in the evening with alcohol on the breath and a slurred, “I miss the sound of your voice, baby” emanating from their lips through the receiver; and

WHEREAS, are you seriously going to watch a DePaul-Providence game as each team vomits all over itself because Big East Commissioner Mike Aresco deems it necessary?; and

WHEREAS, the sins of 2011-2012 – a year in which Syracuse and Georgetown met only once – have not been forgotten (nor will they ever be forgotten) as intolerable acts designed to curtail Acts of Warfare (Basketball Edition); and

WHEREAS, intolerable acts designed to curtail Acts of Warfare (Basketball Edition) are evidences of diplomatic masturbation that finds no place in claims for absolute hoops supremacy; and

WHEREAS, seriously, nobody cares about South Florida and Rutgers and whatever other team some former league commissioner that wasn’t Dave Gavitt accidentally invited to the league because he thought he was placing an order for cheesesteaks and barbecue and – whoops! – “I didn’t think I had you on the line there, [team totally unqualified for deathblow basketball]. Yeah, I guess you can play in this league that you are in no way qualified for”; and

WHEREAS, we are both playing on boats to open the season; and

WHEREAS, we all need something to do; now

THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED that the editorial boards of both Casual Hoya, noted Internet destination, and Troy Nunes is an Absolute Magician, noted Internet destination, do hereby proclaim that the 2012-2013 college basketball season – which, in force and function, starts today – shall be the most vitriol-ridden, hate-spewing iteration of the Syracuse-Georgetown rivalry ever seen in the 30-plus year history of the teams’ membership in the Big East Conference and that in this pursuit collateral damage is an expected residue of such hostilities. Basically, it’s all about us, folks, and we’re going out with a bang.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, we hereunto set our hands – against each other, at times.

Casual Hoya
Troy Nunes is an Absolute Magician

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