FanPost

Top 10 Things To Boost SU Football Attendance (Satire)

I keep hearing people talk about the attendance in the Dome for football games and frankly I am so bored of hearing about it that i wanted to have a little fun with it. The good news is, those who show up can upgrade their seats at their own risk or at least stretch an extra seat due to the no shows and if you do spill some beer, better chance it doesn't actually land on anyone. The bad news is, it obviously looks like crap on TV and we lose a home field advantage when it's packed and loud as heck...plus think of all those Dome Dogs and sausage sandwiches prepped that are gone to waste.

So here are my top 10 ideas I would do if i were Charles In Charge:

#10: Tell the freshman that it's really basketball season and have Coach Shafer's name legally changed to Boeheim, Hopkins or GMac. Maybe when Boeheim retires, they can give him an assistant coach spot just to watch him on the sidelines or he can handle the press conferences for the team.

#9. With the KissCam gone, replace it with the TownieStudentHugCam. For too long there has been tension between locals and students and it is time we all freaking we end it now. Sometimes I swear there is a better chance of the Bloods and Crips being friends than there is some of the locals and some of the student body/staff getting along and simply just respecting that their differences. In the words of Entourage's Ari Gold, "Let's hug it out, b****!"

#8. Make the wave illegal. Unless someone is coming back from a beer run, the only other reason your section should stand is to cheer is when Cuse makes a great play or the opposing team has 3rd down (or if going for it on 4th down) situations. In all fairness, I have always hated the wave so this one is only half satirical, though if security did remove someone for starting a wave, I wouldn't be mad. :)

#7. Convince those residents who dislike Syracuse University that it no longer exists and you are now rooting on the University of Syracuse...two totally different schools who just happen to have the same colors and play in the same place the old school did.

#6. Break the Dome down into sections. You keep the student sections and the "Tops Friendly Market Family Section" but add others like the "Empire Brewing Beer Garden Section", the "KRock I Rock Out With My Socks Out To Every Song Section", the "Early To Exit Any Game Section", the "Third Down Hand Gesture Section" and the "We're Not Standing For Any Reason And If You Do, We Will Tell You To Sit Down" section. This way we separate those who have different ways of enjoying the game and nobody complains about their experience.

#5. Hand out Greg Robinson voodoo dolls and allow those who think this team is still in that era to exercise their demons so we can stop comparing it to him. Either that or someone get that darn Men In Black memory eraser and start zapping memories of the fan base (this may also work for those fans who attended a loss two decades ago and for some reason are scarred from attending due to that loss).

#4. Have every player wear 44. This will appease fans like me who want it back and we don't have to debate over who is good enough to wear it...well until Floyd Little's grandson wants it, in which case, he gets it alone during his tenure. Oh and make sure either the jersey or the pants are orange for every game while we are at it. Heck, hand out orange 44 jerseys for free with entry and make it one big team up in that Dome. Drunk Pete in section 325 keeps swearing his grandmother can catch a ball better than that so let's get her a jersey and see what she can do (Drunk Pete is a fictional character and is not intended to speak about an actual person...although if your name is really Pete and you drink heavily while always making claims like this in section 325, Nunes Magician Blog and myself meant no malice and for legal reasons I must state that, "Although possibly inspired in part by a true incident or people we know, the previous story is fictional and does not depict any actual person or event.")

#3. Have concerts or big themed parties on the quad before the game. Come on SU...bring in Def Leppard, Carrie Underwood or Luke Bryan, Metallica, Beyonce and Syracuse's own Benny Mardones and make these games bigger events. Show me a college student or fan who doesn't love a party and I will show you something rarer than a bald eagle. Every game has something whether it's a concert, a toga party, Disney on Ice (for those late season games) or something. TOGA! TOGA!!! TOGA!!!!!

#2. Give away free stuff every time out and at halftime, kick field goals for Dunk & Bright furniture, cars or free tuition from the 40 yard line. You know you want that bright orange recliner in your undersized dorm room. People love free stuff...just ask your local radio DJ's who get hit up for free stuff all the time. Heck, play Musical Chairs for all I care just as long as there is a prize at the end.

And the #1 way to get the football attendance up is....FREE ADMISSION FOR ALL!!!! Oh sure, your dome dog now costs $20, beer $30 & parking in Skytop may require a payday advance loan but at least you can no longer complain that you can't afford a ticket.