How Will Chancellor Syverud Determine Team Bear vs Team Deer?

I couldn't find Kent so I went with a bear. Deal with it. - Denis Poroy

It's all been building to this. Forget Georgetown. Screw UConn. Who's Duke? The biggest rivalry in Syracuse is between Teams Bear and Deer and it's come to a head at the orders of the Supreme Overlord Chancellor Syverud.

You have to give him credit: Chancellor Kent Syverud knows what gets Syracuse people going. Back in April, Syverud openly asked the Syracuse community in his weekly blog/email post how to pronounce "Syracuse."

It kinda became a big deal.

Big enough that Sean set out to determine whether we as a community are "Team Bear" or "Team Deer." As the results stand, Nunesmagician is staunchly Team Bear. Cool. That was the end of it, right?

You. Are. So. Wrong.

What I need to pick is how I should say it. I was raised near Rochester in the "deer" camp, but it's not fair to let a Western New York upbringing decide. That's why I kept alternating between deer and bear at Commencement.

So here is what I will do. I am asking our Department of Recreation Services to organize a competition between deers and bears at the start of the fall semester. They will pick the rules. Whichever team wins, I will say it their way for the rest of the year.

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via media1.giphy.com

Needless to say, this is going to be a big f*in deal to quote a great Syracuse alum. Thus, a competition that will forever determine the pronunciation of Syracuse from here on out must match both the intensity and seriousness this debate has taken on. I have some ideas.

Mob Fight in the Mount Sairs
This needs to be the greatest fight between useless factions the world has ever seen. And the bar is already set pretty high. Thus I propose Team Deer starts at the doors of Flint Hall with Team Bear starting at the doors of Archibald Gym. The two factions rush into the Mount stairs and whoever is left standing wins.

Hardnosed Test led by Scott Shafer
Ok, so maybe the last one was unnecessarily bloody. This one will be necessarily bloody. Team Dear and Team Bear volunteer their tributes to the almighty Scott Shafer. Held in Manley, Shafer orders the tributes through a true test of Syracuse Hardnosedness, including an Oklahoma drill versus Otto. If you cannot complete the test, not only does your team lose but you must immediately transfer to Rutgers S.U.N.J.

Deathrace down the Crouse Hill
Since this is obviously the most important issue facing the University, we spend the summer spending millions of dollars to turn the Crouse hill into a icy-death-luge type of obstacle course. (Estimates have this costing about $200 million, or the textbooks for all students next semester.) Not only must you survive, but there will be a panel of judges awarding style points since the current BCS officials will need some subjective athletic competition to work.

5 on 2 Basketball vs Boeheim, Hopkins
Some may say this is the tamest of all proposed competitions. You dare unleash the competitive fire of Boeheim/Hopkins on this University? You fools. What you don't realize is that Boeheim and Hopkins will be simultaneously competing for who gets to coach the basketball team next year based off best dunks. Do you want to be the poor soul posterized by a Boeheim 360 tomahawk windmill? I didn't think so.

Faceoff Competition vs Lax Team Naw, too easy.

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