OPERATION: CODENAME: SIX SHOOTERS in... The Vendetta Vector

Rich Barnes-USA TODAY Sports

I'm working on a feature script based on The Cooney Brothers. Any constructive feedback would be much appreciated.

INT. DR. VON BADDINGTON'S SECRET LABORATORY

An ominous, underground palace. Jagged rocks pock the ceilings and walls. Beneath them, a pristine bunker full of futuristic computers, weapons and vehicles.

VARIOUS HENCHMEN in matching gray one-piece outfits mull about working various jobs. Most have weapons on them.

In the center of the room, DR. ARGUS VON BADDINGTON is rubbing his hands together in glee. Adorned in a Victorian suit with derby hat, monocle and cane, his smile seems to be a mile wide.

Baddington is staring at TREVOR COONEY, a stubbly, goofy Syracuse Basketball player and elite assassin for a shadowy government agency known as The Ballistic Anti-Loss League (B.A.L.L.), who is currently strapped to a gurney with lasers pointed at his head, heart and shooting hand.

DR. BADDINGTON
Well, well, well, my young Trevor. You tried to stop me but it seems you have failed.

TREVOR COONEY
Game ain't over 'til the clock reads trip zeroes.

DR. BADDINGTON
Yes, well, I think you're about to find out it's...game over, for you.

Dr. Baddington laughs maniacally and walks to a lever that controls the lasers. He puts his hand on the top of the lever and turns back to Trevor.

DR. BADDINGTON
Any finals words?

TREVOR
Just two.
(yells)
SUBSTITUTION TIME!!!

Dr. Baddington's face drops.

DR. BADDINGTON
Nooooo!!!

Suddenly, a window CRASHES and a figure descends from above. The man lands in one of those cool crouched poses where he's got one hand down on the ground in front of him and he's looking down. Then, the figure looks up.

It's TERRY COONEY, Trevor's schlubby brother who still lives at home with Ma.

TERRY COONEY
Wassaaaaaaap.

DR. BADDINGTON
Who the hell are you?

TERRY COONEY
I'm Terry, my man. Friends call me T-Dawg, unless I'm around Trev-Trev here, then it gets confusing.

DR. BADDINGTON
T-two? Two Cooneys?

TERRY COONEY
Bro...you got no idea...

CAH-RACK! A massive section of the walls comes BURSTING inward, as if punched by someone. It has been punched by someone. That someone is GERRY COONEY, an aging former boxer who bears no resemblance to the other Cooney Brothers. He emerges in a gray sweatsuit and with bandages in the shape of an X over his cheek.

GERRY COONEY
Hey, palooka. You picked the wrong day to mess with the Cooneys. You're going down for the count.

DR. BADDINGTON
Gerry Cooney? I lost five-hundred evil bucks on you in 1982. What are you...

Dr. Baddington doesn't have time to finish because all of a sudden the doors FLY OPEN. A bright, white light fills the room. Dr. Baddington shields his eyes. Bur when he looks back, he sees two figures emerge. They are TYLER COONEY and KEVIN COONEY.

Tyler wears an eyepatch and Fu Manchu mustache while Kevin is dressed in a Brooks Brothers suit with hair slicked back like Leonardo DiCaprio in The Wolf of Wall Street.

TYLER COONEY
I'm here to murder evil doctors and smoke e-cigarettes. And I'm all out of e-cigarettes.
Screen_shot_2014-05-13_at_7.47.52_pm_medium

Dr. Baddington GULPS.

KEVIN COONEY
Time to take care of business, Buster.

Kevin then makes a FIST with one hand and smacks it against his other hand, which is an open palm. Tyler is spinning a MEDIEVAL MACE in his hand.

DR. BADDINGTON
Well, this can't get any worse.

MALE VOICE
Ter-vor!

Dr. Baddington shrieks! He spins around to see yet another Cooney standing before him. TERVOR COONEY, their European cousin. Wearing a Members Only jacket, wife-beater and tight-fitting jeans, his exact country of origin is unknown.

TERVOR COONEY
Ter-vor! Ter-vor!
Screen_shot_2014-05-13_at_7.46.58_pm_medium
DR. BADDINGTON
I don't understand you, you weird copy of a copy like in Multiplicity starring Michael Keaton.

KEVIN COONEY
Don't talk about him like that. All Cooneys are created equal.

TREVOR COONEY
We're not six individuals, we're one team.

DR. BADDINGTON
But one of you has to sit on the bench.

Tyler Cooney approaches Dr. Baddington and pulls him up by his collar.

TYLER COONEY
Unfortunately for you, we're not playing by the rules.

TREVOR COONEY
Cooney Brothers! It's Time!

Tervor unties Trevor and the six Cooney Brothers form a circle.

TREVOR COONEY (cont'd)
EVERYONE, ZONE UP!
Screen_shot_2014-05-13_at_7.48.24_pm_medium

Each brother raises a SHOOTING FIST to the sky as Dr. Baddington trembles with fear. As they each speak their POWER-WORDS, a bright light emanates from their shooting hands.

KEVIN COONEY
Ring the bell, sucka!

TERRY COONEY
Murderin' time!

TYLER COONEY
Boom Shake Shake Shake The Room!

GERRY COONEY
Light's out, Punchy.

TERVOR COONEY
Tervor!

TREVOR COONEY
Release the krakalackin'!

As their shooting-hand-light combines over Dr. Baddington, a form takes shape. The form of a GIANT HAND.

DR. BADDINGTON
No! Not The Hot Hand! I thought it was just a legend.

TYLER COONEY
I guess that makes you Brad Pitt cause this legend is about to...fall.

The HOT HAND SLAMS down on Dr. Baddington, seemingly flattening him into the ground. He wails in agony.

KEVIN COONEY
Market's closed.

TREVOR COONEY
C'mon, fellow Cooneys. Dr. Baddington is just the beginning. The question is, who does he work for?

TERVOR COONEY
Tervor.

TERRY COONEY
Don't think so, dummy.

TERRY COONEY
i think he means The Evil League of Evil.

TERVOR COONEY
Tervor, Tervor. Tervor!

TREVOR COONEY
Shot clock's running. Let's go!

The six Cooney brothers jump and HIGH-FIVE before putting their arms around one another and walking out the giant hole in the wall.

A beat, then...

Dr. Baddington stirs...

DR. BADDINGTON
You've won this time, Cooneys...but next time, I'll make sure I even the odds.

As he begins to laugh painfully, he reaches into his pocket to reveal a vile of CLONING SYRUM!

THE END...OR IS IT???

Screen_shot_2014-05-13_at_7.48.31_pm_medium

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