Taco Time in the NCAAs: Welcome To Best Beer College

Patrick Smith

It's Taco Time in the Salt City! Is he really going to write about drinking again? Yes, yes he is. Specifically, who would win the NCAA Tournament of Beer?

When I think of the NCAA tournament, the first thing I think about is skipping work to watch basketball all day Thursday and Friday (yes, I work. Sort of). The second thing I think of is hanging with friends and drinking beers. Combine those too, and you have my NCAA Tournament of Beer.

Frank Zappa said, "You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline." And, I'd extend that to say, how can I root for your college if I can't fondly think of a brewery I like near campus?

Here are the beers you should be drinking from each competing college's best brewery. As well as the colleges you should be rooting to lose for disgracing themselves by not even having one.

Perennial-web-logo-color_medium

Midwest

1 Louisville - Against the Grain Brewery (best beer: Bo & Luke)

16 (drink-in game)

8 Colorado St. (Fort Collins) - New Belgium Brewing (Lips of Faith - La Folie)

9 Mizzou (Columbia) - Flat Branch Pub & Brewing (Oil Change Oatmeal Stout)

5 Oklahoma State (Stillwater) - NOTHING (huffing paint)

12 Oregon (Eugene) - Ninkasi Brewing Co. (Tricerahops DIPA)

4 St. Louis - Anheuser-Busch, Inc....kidding. Perennial Artisan Ales (Abraxas)

13 New Mexico St. (Santa Fe) - Second Street Brewery (St. George IPA)

6 Memphis - Boscos Restaurant & Brewing Co. (Boscos Bombay IPA)

12 (drink-in game)

3 Michigan St. (East Lansing) - Harper's Restaurant & Brewpub (Grove St. Pale Ale)

14 Valpo (Valparaiso, IN) - Figure Eight Brewing (Ro Shampo Imperial Red Ale)

7 Creighton (Omaha) - Nebraska Brewing Co. (Chardonnay French Oak Hop God)

10 Cincy - Fifty West Brewing (Coast to Coast IPA)

2 Duke (Durham) - Fullsteam Brewery (Working Man's Lunch)

15 Albany - Steadfast Beer Co. (Sorghum Pale Ale)

I've been fortunate--or unfortunate in the case of the gluten-free brewery Steadfast--to have drank beers from every participant in this region, save East Lansing's non-notable Harper's Restaurant (and cow-town Stillwater which is brewery-less). It's a surprisingly strong region, mostly thanks to a couple of places you don't immediately think of as beer hot spots. When I'm in Louisville I'm typically swigging bourbon, but Against the Grain is a rising star making splendid stuff. The birthplace of Budweiser, St. Louis, has also become a great craft beer town and I gave the nod to the experimental Perennial over the strong-and-steady Schlafly. Finally, Nebraska Brewing Co. is making some of the finest wine barrel-aged beers in America. And, of course, Colorado's New Belgium is one of the most prominent craft breweries in the whole country...and the reason every uninformed bozo thinks Fat Tire is the nectar of the Gods (it's actually their sour ales that truly deserve your acclaim). But, the Midwest's...

FINAL FOUR PARTICIPANT: St. Louis University and Perennial Artisan Ales

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West

1 Gonzaga (Spokane) - Iron Goat Brewing Co. (Head Butt IPA)

16 Southern (Baton Rouge) - Tin Roof Beer (Perfect Tin Amber)

8 Pitt - East End Brewing Co. (Gratitude)

9 Wichita St. - Wichita Brewing Co. (5:02 Amber)

5 Wisconsin (Madison) - Ale Asylum (Ballistic IPA)

12 Mississippi (Oxford) - NOTHING (Marshall Henderson's "stash")

4 K. State (Manhattan) - Tallgrass Brewing Co. (Halcyon Unfiltered Wheat)

13 (drink-in game)

6 'Zona (Tucson) - Thunder Canyon Brewery (Blackout Stout)

11 Belmont (Nashville) - Yazoo Brewing Co. (Sue)

3 New Mexico (Albuquerque) - La Cumbre Brewing (Elevated IPA)

14 Harvard - Pretty Things Beer and Ale Project (Our Finest Regards)

7 Notre Dame - Four Horsemen Brewing (embarrassing)

10 Iowa St. (Ames) - Olde Main Brewing Co. (Long Face)

2 Ohio St. (Columbus) - Columbus Brewing Co. (Columbus IPA)

15 Iona (New Rochelle, NY) - NOTHING (whip-its)

An exceptionally weak region with no real breweries of note aside from Albuquerque's La Cumbre, Pittsburgh's East End and their world-class barleywine Gratitude, and Columbus with their likewise world-class IPA. Then again, to be fair, Madison is a great craft beer town and I do love Ale Asylum. And, of course, I've neglected to mention Boston which has more great breweries than the whole rest of the region combined. I decided to give their nod to Pretty Things though as it is actually in Harvard's Cambridge 'hood.

FINAL FOUR PARTICIPANT: Harvard University and Pretty Things Beer and Ale Project

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South

1 Kansas (Lawrence) - Free State Brewing Co. (best beer: Old Backus Barleywine)

16 Western KY (Bowling Green) - NOTHING (moonshine)

8 UNC (Chapel Hill) - Carolina Brewery (Santa's Secret)

9 'Nova - Earth Bread + Brewery (Cookie's Apron)

5 VCU (Richmond) - Legend Brewing Co. (Brown Ale)

12 Akron - Thirsty Dog Brewing Co. (Bourbon Barrel Aged Siberian Night)

4 Michigan - Jolly Pumpkin (La Roja Grand Reserve)

13 S. Dakota St. (Brookings) - NOTHING (wampum)

6 UCLA - Eagle Rock Brewery (Deuce)

11 Minnesota (Minneapolis) - Surly Brewing Co. (Darkness)

3 Florida (Gainesville) - Swamp Head Brewery (Saison Du Swamp)

14 Northwestern St. (Natchitoches, LA) - NOTHING (even poorer-made moonshine)

7 San Diego State U. - Ballast Point Brewing Co. (Sculpin IPA)

10 Oklahoma - COOP Ale Works (DNR Belgian-Style Golden Ale)

2 Georgetown - Bluejacket

15 FGCU (Fort Myers) - Fort Myers Brewing Co.

By far the region of drunken death, the South features heavyweights Jolly Pumpkin, Surly Brewing, Coop, Bluejacket, and the entire city of San Diego, America's greatest beer mecca (though I didn't consider suburban SD breweries Stone, Lost Abbey, or Alpine). Still, in a bit of an upset, my Final Four victor comes from the frozen north...

FINAL FOUR PARTICIPANT: University of Minnesota and Surly Brewing

Avery_brewing_medium

East

1 Indiana (Bloomington) - Upland Brewing Co. (best beer: Gilgamesh)

16 (drink-in game)

8 NC St. (Raleigh) - Natty Greene's Pub & Brewing Co. (Freedom American IPA)

9 Temple (Philadelphia) - Earth Bread + Brewery (Cookie's Apron)

5 UNLV - Big Dog's Draft House (War Dog DIPA)

12 Cal (Berkley) - Bison Brewing Co. (Bison Organic Chocolate Stout)

4 Syracuse - Middle Ages Brewing Co. (ImPaled Ale)

13 Montana (Missoula) - Big Sky Brewing Co. (Ivan the Terrible Imperial Stout)

6 Butler (Indianapolis) - Black Acre Brewing Co. (Beard Tax)

11 Bucknell (Lewisburg, PA) - NOTHING (crystal meth)

3 Marquette (Milwaukee) - Lakefront Brewery (Fixed Gear)

14 Davidson (Davidson, NC) - NOTHING (bag of glue)

7 Illinois (Champaign-Urbana) - The Blind Pig Brewery (American Pale Ale)

10 Colorado (Boulder) - Avery Brewing Co. (Uncle Jacob's Stout)

2 Miami - Titanic Brewing Co. (2X Ultra IPA)

15 Pacific - BJ's Restaurant & Brewhouse (lame chain)

Syracuse's first round match-up becomes much more formidable in the beer tournament, with Big Sky Brewing being one of the region's stronger participants--and the crafters of perhaps the region's overall best single brew, Ivan the Terrible Imperial Stout. I still think Middle Ages squeaks out the win, though, in the 1st (er, 2nd) round's toughest matchup. But those two are still comparative lightweights when you throw Boulder into the mix, one of American's finest craft beer cities which features one of the country's best breweries.

FINAL FOUR PARTICIPANT: University of Colorado and Avery Brewing Co.

Final Four

Listen to me and you'd have a completely believable Final Four of St. Louis vs. Harvard and Minnesota vs. Colorado. You'd probably be fired from work if you submitted that to the office pool--and rightly so.

Perennial barely knocks off Pretty Things and, in the "real final," Avery clips Surly.

In the championship game, upstart Perennial stands no chance against the blue bloods from Colorado. Your champion of the 2013 NCAA Tournament of Beer:

Avery Brewing Company

Uncle-jacob-72dpi1-130x475_medium

Drink an 18% Uncle Jacob's Stout at the first sign of Syracuse's erratic play stressing you out...and thank me when you wake up.

Aaron Goldfarb is the author of How to Fail: The Self-Hurt Guide. Send thoughts to aaron@aarongoldfarb.com or @aarongoldfarb

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