Hoya Suxa Presents: The Georgetown Minister of Information

A literary masterpiece.

Former Iraqi Information Minister Muhammad Saeed al-Sahhaf is our spirit guide.

THE GEORGETOWN MINISTER OF INFORMATION

"The Catholic Seven is invincible! We have DePaul! Does the ACC have DePaul? No. We will slaughter the ACC with DePaul."

"Big John Thompson is not the coach of the Georgetown basketball team. As you can see, the coach of Georgetown basketball has a "III" after his name. There is no puppet regime in place at Georgetown."

"Do not trust ESPN. They are the tool of the Syracuse Orange. American journalistic swine. Georgetown is number one in all basketball polls and all Georgetown basketball players are nuclear physicists with very pretty girlfriends that were not purchased from Russia for a small fee."

"There are 40,000 people in the Verizon Center tonight to watch Georgetown basketball."

"We have no fear of conference realignment. In fact, there is no conference realignment. Georgetown are national basketball champions of space!"

"Jahidi White is not fat. Everything is okay. He did not eat an entire live bison while the bison was grazing on the plains. These are Syracuse lies."

"We will slaughter all of the Syracuse players while they are eating poutine because they are all from Canada and we will do it with our hyper-intelligent Georgetown mind lasers developed in our special basketball-and-mind-laser practice facility."

"The Princeton offense is not impotent. In fact, just today, our Princeton offense impregnated the Harvard offense in a laboratory in our Genius Building. It is the smartest most virile offense ever invented. Do not look at the scoreboard; it is full of lies."

"We did not fight the Chinese during a game of basketball while on a goodwill mission. This is not true. I have detailed this before. You are imagining things. The photos were doctored. The pictures you saw were Photoshopped images of when the two teams were merely exchanging gifts from Edible Arrangements on the court in a very focused manner. The bruises on our bodies were from digesting very intensely."

"Do not believe the liars. Craig Esherick is alive and well. He is not buried under the Potomac on the orders of the Hoya Ministry of Love. I saw him yesterday. We ate cantaloupe and cottage cheese."

"No, Syracuse is not 22-8 against Georgetown all-time in the Carrier Dome. No, Syracuse is not 8-2 against Georgetown in their last 10 meetings in the Dome. This is not true. Georgetown slaughtered them all. Eric Devendorf was beheaded. Do not believe the Syracuse media lies."

"Victor Page invented television and the human conversation."

"Georgetown has put many basketball players into the National Basketball Association, but is most proud of putting 15 former Hoya basketball players on the face of the moon as co-pilots of Apollo 11. Hoyanauts."

"You do not understand basketball. Scoring 50 points in a game of basketball is good. Nobody scores more than 50 points in a game. Numbers do not go higher than that. The Syracuse gypsies do not have higher numbers. Those are lies."

"Our basketball playbook is the collected works of Sylvia Plath. We will use it to create many basketball casualties with our superior emotional core."

For more vitally important Georgetown-directed vitriol, check out Hoya Suxa on Twitter: @HoyaSuxa. He'll be contributing literary masterpieces here at Troy Nunes is an Absolute Magician all day.

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