USC v. Syracuse: #BeatUSC Tutorial

You may remember these things from Hoya Suxa. They're back, here, for the 2012 football season. We're providing an image -- for your Facebook and Twitter profile pictures -- so that you can participate, however you choose, in our Friday spirit/hate rallies on the Internet during the season. Still don't understand what's going on? Leave a comment and somebody will probably help you out..

TUTORIAL SESSION II: #BEATUSC

Opponent: Southern California

Date: September 8, 2012

Location: East Rutherford, New Jersey (MetLife Stadium)

Twitter/Facebok Profile Image:

Beatusc_medium

via assets.sbnation.com

Images courtesy of @jpassetti.

Invective:

A Brief Interview with Lane Kiffin

"Well, the thing about USC is that we have lots of tradition. This is a tradition-filled program. We have national championships and Heisman Trophy winners and tons of conference championships. This is the heart of college football."

Q.

"No, we don't condone cheating here at USC. No way. Our tradition isn't bought and sold and then sanctioned; you're confusing us with Iran. We believe in the rule of law; rules are rules, and if they're broken, you get to go to trial and fake that a glove doesn't fit on your hand and use your notoriety from doing rental car commercials to completely and unequivocally absolve you from a crime that you totally committed (but maybe she had it coming, am I right?) but lie about not committing because that's in the Constitution of the United States. We believe in that at USC and I'm not going to upset that tradition."

Q.

"I mean, I had to leave Tennessee. They were always singing about a 'still on top of a hill.' I'm not down with that; I can't be a part of something that romanticizes illegal behavior in clandestine ways. I like my illegal behavior, you know, as an open secret that is eventually uncovered to which I can claim plausible deniability without a reduction in pay. That's the only way that I can put on pleated khakis and a fresh polo shirt in the morning."

Q.

"No, that 'V' hand sign that we do after games isn't a smug acknowledgement of things being 'vacated' or that we committed 'violations.' This is a program built on honor; I learned that from Pete Carroll. When we want to be smug, I look at my two-point conversion chart -- a chart that just reads 'GO FOR TWO, HANDSOME!' -- and I drop a double on Fresno State because if we don't put 70 on them then I'm tarnishing the legacy of John McKay. It's all about institutional control: If we don't embarrass our opponents, I can't control the institutional process of claiming that the NCAA is after us just because we embarrass our opponents. It's really a philosophical question when you get right down to it."

Q.

"People ask me that all the time: Yes, Mattel modeled their Ken doll after my good looks. People say to me, 'But Mattel introduced the Ken doll in 1961 and you were born in 1975?' I have one answer for you: These looks transcend your consciousness of time, babycakes. Also, what are you doing later? Interested in committing some 'violations'?"

Q.

"Seriously, I can have my Dad buy us some beer. He's cool."

Next Game: #BeatSBU

Future: #BeatGophers

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