Dear Media, National Or Otherwise,
How are you? I hope you are well. I know you are busy putting something together about Tim Tebow, putting together a package that combines footage of college football games with footage from Prometheus for an advertorial spot or writing a column about how sportswriting is an art and bloggers are jerks, but, if I could just bend your ear for a moment, I wanted to share one piece of information with you.
As such, he has not stepped foot on the football field in the year of our Lord, 2012, nor will he step foot on the field on it.
So, if you're broadcasting a Syracuse game on the Big Ten Network and you think Quinta is receiving kickoffs, I can assure you that it is not actually him.
And if you're broadcasting a Syracuse game on ESPN and you think Quinta is also receiving kickoffs for Syracuse, I assure you that he actually is not.
And if you're writing a post-game recap of a Syracuse game and you mention that Funderburk, at defensive back, broke up a pass play, I can assure you that it was not him playing that position that he does not play making said play.
Now, I think I can understand the issue here. Funderburk is listed on the official roster as wearing No. 2. So is freshman Wayne Morgan. Here's the tricky part...you have to look closely. I know, details, details... But if you did, you'd see that Morgan has been returning kicks and playing defensive back for Syracuse this season, not Quinta, who is, I repeat, ineligible.
And so, if you have a graphics package dedicated to Syracuse football, I implore you to make a note. If you're an announcer getting ready to call an upcoming Syracuse football game, make an asterisk. If you're going to write up an article on the Syracuse football team, do yourself a favor and cross Quinta's name out beforehand.
Because he is ineligible. He cannot play. And the last thing we need is some NCAA compliance officer sitting in their humongous home with a four-car garage, sipping brandy out of a snifter while watching Syracuse on his massive flat screen TV, and hearing that Quinta Funderburk is returning kicks before spitting out his brandy, picking up his phone and exclaiming, "Not on my watch, Funderburk!"
Thank you for your time.
Syracuse fans (and, probably, Wayne Morgan)