With the rise of the Otto-Man Empire (and inspired by a tweet from @CusePulpTashmo), I thought it was important that we make sure our governing body and cabinet is in place as our quest for global domination continues.
President: Jim Boeheim - 'Nuff said.
Vice President: Mike Hopkins - If god forbid something were to happen to our fearless leader, he'd be next in line to take over. And I think he'd do just fine.
Secretary of State: Eric Devendorf - There were a lot of choices here (Ryan Blackwell, Josh Pace, Elvir Ovcina, Keuth Duany, etc. etc.) but Eric has spent time in New Zealand, Australia, Turkey, and Detroit. Plus, on a personal level, I really want to see Devo interact with a variety of foreign ambassadors and heads of state at black tie events.
Secretary of the Treasury: Carmelo Anthony - A). He's money. B). He has the most of it.
Secretary of Defense: Etan Thomas - His resume? How about a two and half minute youtube video of him having his way with opposing teams' shots. Yeah, that'll work.
Attorney General: Josh Wright - Many an Orange could fill this spot, but Josh may know his way around a courtroom better than anyone else.
Secretary of Agriculture: Hakim Warrick - I don't think he knows a ton about farming, but anyone who has ever tried to guard him, especially Royal Ivey, will tell you he can teach you a lot about nuts.
Secretary of Commerce: Andy Rautins - My friend's father once saw him in the Dewitt Wegmans buying the bare essentials - several tubes of hair gel and a massive pack of condoms... not coincidentally, those two items along with awesome fauxhawks, will be the primary exports of the Otto-Man empire under our awesome Secretary of Commerce.
Secretary of Labor: Jason Hart - The man knows something about putting in work. He used to run his sprints wearing 10 lbs. weights on either leg and would still beat the rest of the team. Plus, I once saw him and Allen Griffin play FULL-COURT one on one. Also, he's one of my favorite players, who never quite got the respect I think he deserved.
Secretary of Health and Human Services: Deshaun Williams - He's almost human and he knows how to get serviced. Plus, he's got the "health" part down, what with all his first hand knowledge of (being a) cancer.
Secretary of Housing and Urban Development: Rony Seikaly - He came to Syracuse as Borat and left as a top 10 NBA draft pick (and a later became a DJ). That's pretty good urban development. I'm sure he'll figure the whole housing thing out too and even if he doesn't, this is like the DePaul of cabinet positions - you're just happy to be around everyone else.
Secretary of Transportation: Gerry McNamerra - The guy carried his team and the entire city of Syracuse on his back all the way to the 2006 Big East Championship. Without Gerry driving the Otto-man Empire's bus, we don't conquer ten f'ing states. Not ten! And if he ever needs a hand, I'm sure he can call John Wallace who knows a thing or two about carrying a team on his back.
Secretaries of Energy: Paul Harris and Johnny Flynn - The Niagara Connection back together again! I named my cats after these guys. And this is about all I need to show their energy qualifications. But if you want a little something else to get you energized, there's this and this.
Secretary of the Interior: Wes Johnson - I didn't really know what this department does, but according to Wikipedia it's "the Department of Everything Else," because of it's wide range of functions. Well who better to do a wide range of things than the guy who could do so many things well at Syracuse?
Secretary of Veterans Affairs: Billy Celuck - The man went to war with a window at Lucy's and has the battle scars to prove it. If anyone can understand the plight of our returning soldiers, it's this man.
Anyway, those are my picks. Feel free to offer your own suggestions.