Navigation: Jump to content areas:


Pro Quality. Fan Perspective.
Login-facebook
Around SBN: Indy 500: 'Greatest Spectacle In Racing' Set For Sunday

Otto-Man Empire Cabinet Positions

With the rise of the Otto-Man Empire (and inspired by a tweet from @CusePulpTashmo), I thought it was important that we make sure our governing body and cabinet is in place as our quest for global domination continues.

President: Jim Boeheim - 'Nuff said.

Vice President: Mike Hopkins - If god forbid something were to happen to our fearless leader, he'd be next in line to take over. And I think he'd do just fine.

Secretary of State: Eric Devendorf - There were a lot of choices here (Ryan Blackwell, Josh Pace, Elvir Ovcina, Keuth Duany, etc. etc.) but Eric has spent time in New Zealand, Australia, Turkey, and Detroit. Plus, on a personal level, I really want to see Devo interact with a variety of foreign ambassadors and heads of state at black tie events.

Secretary of the Treasury: Carmelo Anthony - A). He's money. B). He has the most of it.

Secretary of Defense: Etan Thomas - His resume? How about a two and half minute youtube video of him having his way with opposing teams' shots. Yeah, that'll work.

Attorney General: Josh Wright - Many an Orange could fill this spot, but Josh may know his way around a courtroom better than anyone else.

Secretary of Agriculture: Hakim Warrick - I don't think he knows a ton about farming, but anyone who has ever tried to guard him, especially Royal Ivey, will tell you he can teach you a lot about nuts.

Star-divide

Secretary of Commerce: Andy Rautins - My friend's father once saw him in the Dewitt Wegmans buying the bare essentials - several tubes of hair gel and a massive pack of condoms... not coincidentally, those two items along with awesome fauxhawks, will be the primary exports of the Otto-Man empire under our awesome Secretary of Commerce.

Secretary of Labor: Jason Hart - The man knows something about putting in work. He used to run his sprints wearing 10 lbs. weights on either leg and would still beat the rest of the team. Plus, I once saw him and Allen Griffin play FULL-COURT one on one. Also, he's one of my favorite players, who never quite got the respect I think he deserved.

Secretary of Health and Human Services: Deshaun Williams - He's almost human and he knows how to get serviced. Plus, he's got the "health" part down, what with all his first hand knowledge of (being a) cancer.

Secretary of Housing and Urban Development: Rony Seikaly - He came to Syracuse as Borat and left as a top 10 NBA draft pick (and a later became a DJ). That's pretty good urban development. I'm sure he'll figure the whole housing thing out too and even if he doesn't, this is like the DePaul of cabinet positions - you're just happy to be around everyone else.

Secretary of Transportation: Gerry McNamerra - The guy carried his team and the entire city of Syracuse on his back all the way to the 2006 Big East Championship. Without Gerry driving the Otto-man Empire's bus, we don't conquer ten f'ing states. Not ten! And if he ever needs a hand, I'm sure he can call John Wallace who knows a thing or two about carrying a team on his back.

Secretaries of Energy: Paul Harris and Johnny Flynn - The Niagara Connection back together again! I named my cats after these guys. And this is about all I need to show their energy qualifications. But if you want a little something else to get you energized, there's this and this.

Secretary of the Interior: Wes Johnson - I didn't really know what this department does, but according to Wikipedia it's "the Department of Everything Else," because of it's wide range of functions. Well who better to do a wide range of things than the guy who could do so many things well at Syracuse?

Secretary of Veterans Affairs: Billy Celuck - The man went to war with a window at Lucy's and has the battle scars to prove it. If anyone can understand the plight of our returning soldiers, it's this man.

Secretary of Homeland Security: Derrick Coleman - If terrorists or Georgetown Hoyas (or Ivy League douchebags) try to mess with our empire, I want DC to be the man protecting us.

Anyway, those are my picks. Feel free to offer your own suggestions.

Comment 30 comments  |  6 recs  | 

Do you like this story?

Comments

Display:

Great Post! One nit-pick

Celuck busted up his hand punching through the glass at Lucy’s, not Konrads. I saw it with my own eyes. RC was pissed.

by NYCALUM on Jan 6, 2012 5:45 PM EST reply actions  

Thanks, your memory is better than mine

Now that you mention it, Lucy’s does sound right. I wasn’t there, but heard all the stories. Anyway, for some reason it wouldn’t let me put a slash-through Konrads in the editor, so I just replaced it with Lucy’s.

http://twitter.com/#!/TeabagDunk

by I miss DIAP! on Jan 6, 2012 6:01 PM EST up reply actions  

no doubt

RC was never happy when that window got broken….I remember him making one of our friends pay for the replacement (not cheap!)

by herb is the spice of life on Jan 7, 2012 9:22 PM EST up reply actions  

President?

Coach Boeheim does not answer to any ‘voters’. This isn’t college football.

by drothgery on Jan 6, 2012 6:01 PM EST reply actions   1 recs

I'd nominate Duaney for Secretary of State over Devo

You need the most seasoned diplomat for this role, someone with the gravitas and skill to assert U.S. interests in a dynamic world full of competing interests and shifting loyalties.

The man known as “gramps” in ‘03 who kept that team together and who is a global citizen is more ready for the roll than Devo, Who Doesn’t Like Turkish People.

by lemonysnicket9 on Jan 6, 2012 6:16 PM EST reply actions  

This^

"If Gerry played at Notre Dame he'd probably average 25 a game for four years because that's what he gets when he comes here."-JB

by theNYsportsguy on Jan 6, 2012 6:36 PM EST up reply actions  

How's that?

I was agreeing with you.

A Georgetown degree is life's technical foul. - H/T HoyaSuxa

by theNYsportsguy on Jan 6, 2012 8:05 PM EST up reply actions  

Good points

And he was the first person I thought of. I mean, I was a charter member of the Insaney Duany Fan Club. I guess I just thought his cabinet confirmation process might be held up because his sister Nok played for Georgetown.

http://twitter.com/#!/TeabagDunk

by I miss DIAP! on Jan 6, 2012 6:47 PM EST up reply actions   1 recs

“Secretary of Transportation: Gerry McNamerra – The guy carried his team and the entire city of Syracuse on his back all the way to the 2006 Big East Championship.”

Best line and connection in this whole piece.. well done

by Acera on Jan 6, 2012 6:18 PM EST reply actions  

Agreed AND:

remember the the busloads of Scrantonites he shipped to the Dome on a regular basis? Sooo right for Sec of Transportation.

by JT1Night on Jan 6, 2012 8:25 PM EST up reply actions  

P.S.

I can’t watch The Office without thinking of GMac.

by JT1Night on Jan 6, 2012 8:26 PM EST up reply actions  

Whenever we drive through Scranton, I suggest that we stop

For Gerry McNamara Bobble Heads, of course.

'Cuse 2010, Michigan 2012

by Orange22 on Jan 6, 2012 10:14 PM EST up reply actions  

Love the Jim B quote RE the fight vs. Cornell

“When people hit you, you tend to lose your temper.” Classic.

"If I ain't gonna be part of the greatest, I gotta be the greatest myself." Busta Rhymes

by FeloniousPhunk on Jan 6, 2012 7:49 PM EST reply actions  

RE: Etan Thomas

I’d forgotten how ridiculous a shot blocker he was in college. And has anyone quote had a signature block like Etan’s volleyball spike?

"If I ain't gonna be part of the greatest, I gotta be the greatest myself." Busta Rhymes

by FeloniousPhunk on Jan 6, 2012 7:51 PM EST reply actions  

The guy was a freak

Most players go up to get a piece of it, he was trying to go 2 feet above the ball and slam it in the shooters face every time.

A Georgetown degree is life's technical foul. - H/T HoyaSuxa

by theNYsportsguy on Jan 6, 2012 8:10 PM EST up reply actions  

A few suggestions

Secretary of Energy: The Dome Ranger. That guy could light up the whole campus with his laps around the Carrier Dome floor.

Secretary of Defense. Conrad McRae. May he rest in peace, and swat another shot.

by harrs44 on Jan 6, 2012 9:10 PM EST via mobile reply actions  

DIAP, Hakim is perfect as Secretary of Agriculture

Billy Celuck had me bending over laughing too. Old Billy was a veteran, a World War I Vet like Srg. York, Billy Edelin was like McArthur in World War II, He was gonna return….

Since the early 1990's I have not been able to get Mike Hopkins' bloody face out of my brain. I don't remember what game it was but I'll never forget that as my first memory of SU basketball. Mike Hopkins, bloody face, bloody nose, all for the love of Syracuse.

by JFerg393 on Jan 6, 2012 11:18 PM EST reply actions  

Awesome post

I’m proud to be your first rec!

by actioncuse on Jan 6, 2012 11:58 PM EST reply actions  

Not a cabinet position

but I presume Boeheim will be his own press secretary. Or would DOC Gross take on that role to stay in front of the media?

Fly, Eagles, fly...down, down the field!

by E Scott on Jan 7, 2012 12:09 PM EST reply actions  

Comments For This Post Are Closed


User Tools

Welcome to SB Nation's Syracuse football, basketball & lacrosse blog.

FanShots

Quick hits of video, photos, quotes, chats, links and lists that you find around the web.

Recent FanShots

Pretty solid 2012 SU football preview
Pitt Getting Antsy
Higgins Retiring!
Best post I've read on tv money yet
Dwight Freeney Moving to OLB
Chandler Jones signs his first contract with Pats
"Florida State Killing the ACC"
Aaron Weaver signed by the Chiefs
Scoop to participate in the Knicks' first pre-draft workout
More Gloria Allred Shenanigans

+ New FanShot All FanShots >


Managers

181432_10150419917295241_697840240_17208169_5038380_n_small Sean Keeley

Editors

Hotdogangry_small Hoya Suxa

181959_1884051901099_1235420154_2201555_5066342_n_small Dan Lyons

Authors

Dome_small_small ShariCuse

Bleedingorangelogo_small FeloniousPhunk

Carmelo JohnCassillo

309758_236243686430221_100001337742137_597711_1978115663_n_small Apregs

Me_small Matt McClusky