Dear friends, as you now know, the Syracuse Orange have departed us and are now off to a better place. In leaving to the ACC, Syracuse has left behind each of their former adversaries a special item that they hope will comfort you in your time of mourning. TCU, we're sorry, but you were not known to the departed and therefore can leave. West Virginia, the departed refrains from offering a parting gift in light of your own status. On to the will...
Rutgers – We leave behind a spare 15 minutes of fame that you can add to the first 15 you had back in 2006. Enjoy being Indiana football’s b*#ch in the realigned Big 10.
Seton Hall – one half of the greatest rivalry in the Big East. For you, we leave an edited VHS copy of the 1989 NCAA championship game, without the Rumeal Robinson free throws. May it keep you warm in winters to come when you are celebrating conference victories against Holy Cross.
UConn – We’ll always remember you as a worthy adversary in basketball, and a complete annoyance in football. We’ve already left you our head coach and offensive coordinator, and by the looks of the Iowa State game, you don’t need to thank us. We’re good.
Villanova – We leave you a matching set of stones, so you will always remember that your lack of them have put you right where you deserve to be.
St. John’s – Man, Walter Berry, Chris Mullen, Chris Jackson, Lou’s sweater…you guys were simply awesome. How did the mojo vanish so quickly? We’ll leave you 10,000 seats in the Garden that were normally filled by our fans. Well, that is except for the 3 dates each year when we play OOC games in front of a full house. Oh, and the occasional ACC tourney.
Providence – oh Providence, you were the Tori Spelling to the Big East’s 90210. Sketchy looks and not much talent but daddy always had you covered. We leave you…well, we just leave you.
DePaul, Marquette, Cincy – we have nothing to give that will mean anything to you, cause you meant nothing to us.
USF – you may have been a poor man’s FSU, but you gave the Big East some needed credibility every September and October. For you, we’ll leave behind the ability to play football in November.
Louisville – It never really felt natural, the two of us. We’ll give you the promise that Greg Robinson will never coach our football team again.
Georgetown – Actually, we won’t leave you anything, ‘cause we will always despise you. We'll see you in hell!...and probably once every winter.
Yours truly, Syracuse University