Syracuse Football: Get to Know Your Orange Man -- #37 Ross Krautman


So, in reality -- reality meaning not the Internet -- I have a job.  That job requires me to carry lots of responsibility, even though I should not be trusted with knives and forks, nevermind people's careers and half-million dollar accounts. 

And yet, here we are.

The problem with this job is that it really cuts into my dicking around time.  I usually use this dicking around time to write nonsense on the Internet, mostly because it pisses off my Mom that people actually read said nonsense.  So, because I have limited dicking around time, you're getting limited dick jokes today.  Apologies and whatnot.   

Catch up on all the profiles you may have missed by clicking this fancy blue text.  Also, if you're especially displeased with this entry, go ahead and send my boss a basket of coal and frowny faces written on used napkins.

PLAYER: Ross Krautman



YEAR: Sophomore

HEIGHT: 5'7"


HOMETOWN: Don't know.  I don't have time to check; too much work to do.  Let's assume "America" and hedge with "Somewhere else."

HIGH SCHOOL: Sure, why not.

2010 STATS: Knocked home 18 of 19 last year with a long of 48.  Not too shabby for a guy that took over for Ryan Lichtenstein in August after the returning starter got mauled by a bear or ate too many chicken wings or something.  I don't know.  No time to check.  Tell my secretary that she's fired for being too ugly.

2011 PROJECTIONS: According to the preseason depth chart, Krautman is handling triple duty in 2011: field goal, point after attempts, and kick-offs. 

Now, what I'm hearing through the grapevine (and don't go spreading this around), is that Marrone is working with Syracuse's genetic engineering department to scientifically combined Krautman's kicking leg with Ryan Lichtenstein's plant leg.  He'll become a super kicker known only as Rossan Krautmanstein. 

I am skeptical of this actually working, though.  Otto the Orange was the genetic engineering department's first attempt at combing living things and we ended up with a horrific scientific disaster.

HOW'D HE GET HERE: It was either Syracuse or Miami (but not the Miami that you give a damn about):

The former Ramapo High School standout's longest field goal was 47 yards in the season opener at Akron and his only miss was a 43-yarder at Washington.

Not bad for somebody who had one other scholarship offer, from Miami (Ohio), when he committed to Syracuse. Krautman said Rutgers "was on the edge" of offering, as was Boston College and East Carolina.

Syracuse is the ideal school for him. His older brother, Ricky, began his kicking career there before transferring to William Paterson, and the indoor conditions in the Carrier Dome are ideal for kickers.

So, good enough.  Next!  (And let's make it quick because these files aren't going to review themselves.  Or they will.  Who knows?) 

WHAT DID SCOUT/RIVALS SAY?: I'll give you two guesses.

MONEY QUOTE: Basically, he really, really, really, really, really,  really, really, really, really,  really, really,  really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, likes Syracuse:

"Syracuse was always my dream school since I was little," Krautman said. "My older brother Ricky, I went to his games as a young kid at the Carrier Dome. Going to the Carrier Dome is unbelievable. To be able to kick in that stadium is awesome. I always wanted to go there and kick. Seeing him kick int he Carrier Dome was cool. I always wanted to there. I'm always repping the Syracuse gear with my friends. Besides that, Syracuse is a great academic school. It's hard to get into. Loved the facilities. I feel like it's a great fit for me."

Someone in admissions hire this knucklehead. 

INTERESTING NUGGET O' INTEREST: This is a picture of "Ross da boss and emmerz".  Adorable, even if the caption is almost English.


"We’re happy where we’re at with Ross, and with Rob, we’re happy with his kickoffs," he said. "Right now, it should remain status quo, unless something changes during the week."

Should Marrone put a bounty on Krautman (or Krautmanstein's) head, I'll make sure to tell you guys right away.

AN AWARD FOR DOING YOUR JOB: It's almost like Krautman is embarrassed to be receiving this award:

Log In Sign Up

Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Troy Nunes Is An Absolute Magician

You must be a member of Troy Nunes Is An Absolute Magician to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Troy Nunes Is An Absolute Magician. You should read them.

Join Troy Nunes Is An Absolute Magician

You must be a member of Troy Nunes Is An Absolute Magician to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Troy Nunes Is An Absolute Magician. You should read them.




Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.