Our favorite Syracuse football player named after a European nation didn't have a fantastic day during the Spring Game, but that doesn't mean we love him any less. Ryan Lichtenstein might no longer be our starting field goal kicker, but he's still No. 1 in our hearts.
That's why I think we should do something nice for him. I think we should rename the nation of Liechtenstein after Ryan Lichtenstein.
You think it's a pipe dream? You think I'm smoking crack? Well maybe you just don't realize that, for $70,000 per day, the entire nation of Liechtenstein can be YOURS...
The possibilities for customizing the experience are almost endless - rename city streets and town squares, print your own temporary currencies, carve logos or names into the snow on the mountainside - and that is just the tip of the iceberg. The mayors and marching bands can welcome you with a custom medieval festival and present you the key to the city, or perhaps a wine tasting event at a Prince's estate followed by a fireworks show is more your style.
Talk about a pick-me-up. We'll have Ryan flown in where a parade awaits him at the airport. He's driven along Ryan Lichtenstein Highway to Ryan Lichtenstein Boulevard, make a left on Ryan Lichtenstein Way and then end up at Ryan Lichtenstein Court. Once there he will be feted in the town square, now renamed Ryan Lichtenstein Town Square and he can look up at the mountains where the word LICHTENSTEIN!!! is written into the snow. He'll be able to spend up to $1,000 in Ryan's, the new national currency.
And there will be wine tasting, of course.
$70,000 per day. I figure we should probably turn this into a weekend, at least. So let's say three days. You're telling me we can't scrounge together $210,000? We'll make a law once we rent the place that all food, drink and hospitality options are free, so it's like pre-paying for your trip, really.
Just send your donation ($44 is good, $4,444 is better) to me at:
LICHTENSTEIN!!!, P.O. Box 4444, Seattle, WA 44444