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2010 Big East in Review: Final Team Power Rankings, Classic Rock Edition (Part 2)

Here's Part 1

So we continue on our journey to Rock and Roll Babylon, but before we do so let's recap where we stand right now in our power rankings.

1. West Virginia - Gimme Back My Bullets, Lynyrd Sknyrd

2. UConn - Breakfast in America, Supertramp

3. Syracuse - Rust Never Sleeps, Neil Young

4. Louisville - Ummagumma, Pink Floyd

Now as we enter the bottom half of the standings, we may begin to visit some unfortunate areas of rock and roll that were best left unremembered. Just like these respective teams seasons are best left unremembered.

5. Pittsburgh, 8-5 (27-10 Win in Compass Bowl)

I so badly wanted to rank Pittsburgh a spot lower, but they won their bowl game and the Big East was so horrid that despite Pitt's vast disappointment they can still rank as the 5th best team in an AQ conference. This year will ultimately be remembered as the year that the Wannstache finally lost his job, and in all likelihood his chance at ever coaching an AQ team again, as well as the year that Pittsburgh finally lost their ability to absurdly recruit Top 20 classes. Honestly, I gave West Virginia a lot of shit for underperforming with the talent they were given, but Pittsburgh makes them look like geniuses for getting the performances they get. Honestly, the Backyard Brawl may as well be played using a strat-o-matic, it'll yield better results than what the players can actually do. So on to the team itself? I guess if you want to pass the buck off, you can talk about how Romeus got knocked out early this year. However, that's a completely pathetic and sorry excuse when you had Jabaal Sheard and Brandon Lindsey putting together an All-Big East resume. There are just under-performances all over this team. Dion Lewis just barely got to 1,000 yards, and it took his bowl game to inch his way to it. For a possible All-American, that had to be one of the most disappointing performances of any player in the country this season. Jon Baldwin only grabbed 5 touchdowns and a bit over 800 yards. Tito Sunseri had what could best be described as a bipolar season. Much like Ryan Nassib, his numbers don't indicate poor play but 2500+ yards, 16 TD, and 9 INT's basically just illustrates that this team has no decisive quarterback play. With Jon Baldwin out the door in all likelihood, and taking Dion with him, Pittsburgh better hope to god Sunseri shows the ability to carry a team with his play, because no one else on this team is going to emerge in one offseason to give Sunseri a person to fall back on (I say that with Ray Graham in mind, who compiled about 1/4 of his yards for the season against FIU. Other than that game, he's a step down from Dion).

Album: It's Hard - The Who

The last (I don't believe in the existence of Endless Wire) album ever produced by The Who also proved to be their career lowlight. Highlighted by the fact that the band was attempting to move on without Keith Moon behind the drums, who had passed away previously, the album produced only one redeemable song amid a pile of mediocrity and disappointment. Much like Face Dances, the absence of Moon proved too much for the band to overcome. Much like how this season, the loss of Greg Romeus and Bill Stull proved too much for Pittsburgh to overcome. It's also remarkable, the best song from It's Hard, Eminence Front, is about the excess and drug use of the hedonistic upper class. Funny given that Pittsburgh has been awash in a wealth of top recruits for years and yet has to be doing coke as well to fail to play to expectation.

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via ecx.images-amazon.com

Bonus: Football Injuries equivalent in the Rock and Roll world.

Tearing your ACL in Football is equivalent to Dying of alcohol poisoning

Getting turf toe is equivalent to gonorrhea

A concussion is equivalent to a bad LSD trip

 

6. South Florida, 8-5 (31-26 Win in Car Care Bowl)

South Florida is the Big East's very own trendy pick. Every year, it seems a decent chunk of college football pundits pick the Bulls to be a dark horse candidate to win the conference. And, every year, USF commits crimes like a top tier Florida program, but don't play like one. Of course, South Florida gets the great excuse of growing pains under new coach Skip Holtz and his radical, out there new ideas of, well, running the ball. The problem is that South Florida does not have a decent offensive line and B.J. Daniels may be running into the same stereotype that Geno Smith is up at West Virginia. Regardless, Holtz did coach some good teams up at East Carolina, so expect South Florida to be decent at the very least in the future. Honestly, I really don't know what to say about this team. An expectantly mediocre team was mediocre. They have no exciting players. Their coach is Lou Holtz's son for gods sake, they may be the most boring team in the conference, and with UConn waiting for the revival of the triple option and wishbone that is saying something. They're not horribly bad, they've never been a great team. A lukewarm team gets a lukewarm review.

Album: Bad Company - Bad Company

Hey, Bad Company! They're a pretty cool band. Naming your first album after the band itself? That's cool, a lot of bands do it but that's alright. The album's pretty good too, I mean it's got, well, it's got Bad Company! The song I mean. I don't know what else on the album to recommend, but I mean, Bad Company the song on Bad Company the album by Bad Company the band is pretty cool. (I'm going to drink profusely until UCF joins the conference and makes this joke school irrelevant. Also I like Bad Company, but Straight Shooter was so much better).

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via ec1.images-amazon.com

Bonus: Every wonder would would happen if Simon Kirke snapped and went into a drug induced rage?

OFFICIALLY THE PISTOL-WHIPPIN'-EST FULMER CUPDATE EVER

Pupello was involved in a fight in the parking lot of "The Hut" on April 10th. He finished it, too.

On Apr. 10, police say, about 15 people including Pupello were involved in a fight about 2:50 a.m. in the parking lot of The Hut at Channelside.

Pupello broke away, got a handgun from his 2005 GMC Denali vehicle and ran back toward the crowd, firing in the air several times, police say.

He pistol-whipped three people, causing a bump to one, bruises and cuts to another and breaking the left orbital socket of a third person, police spokeswoman Laura McElroy said. Before he left the scene, he also tried swinging at another person but missed, McElroy said.

That's three pistol-whippings in quick order, all done so quickly it's hard to think the USF player--out for the season with a neck injury--didn't spend his rehab time watching Good Fellas for technique tips and practicing his pistolwhip form. Shooting in the air is really just extra vittles here, and further proof that when dealing with Tampans, it's best to skip the pleasantries and get right down to their preferred book of etiquette, the"Baghdad Guide to Etiquette and Traffic Safety."

Pupello faces five felony charges for this outrageous display of primate aggression. In addition, we're throwing on two points for PISTOL WHIPPING THREE PEOPLE IN FRONT OF A CROWD OF TERRIFIED WITNESSES, and for pistol-whipping someone in the first place. (You never hear of other weapon-specific misuse crimes like "sword-shooting," "club-stabbing," or "ax-poisoning." That is: not yet, since Florida does have to go to LSU this year.)

That is a total of seventeen points for USF.

 

 

7. Cincinnati, 4-8 (A losing football team in Ohio, how original)

Well, Brian Kelly turned out to be a pretty important guy for Cincinnati, didn't he? To borrow from our last featured band, Cincinnati sure was a shooting star these past couple of years, with a BCS appearance and everything as it feasted on the rotting remains of Syracuse and Big East mediocrity to get them to that height. I guess some credit goes to Brian Kelly as well. Actually, a lot of credit. I mean for the love of god, outside of the loss of Tony Pike this is THE SAME EXACT TEAM THAT THEY HAD LAST YEAR. D.J. Wood, Isaiah Pead, Armon Binns, I TOTALLY REMEMBER THESE GUYS BEING AMAZING LAST YEAR! Butch Jones isn't a reprehensible coach by any means, maybe not the recruiter Kelly was but he can coach, he made Central Michigan a decent team. So what happened exactly? It wasn't just skill players either, they returned 17 starters, including two All-Conference guards. To be honest Cincy may be the most disappointing team, again this is saying a lot in this conference, but they returned almost everyone notable from that Sugar Bowl team except for Gilyard, and couldn't do anything with it at all. Is Brian Kelly really that much of a genius? Will he actually resurrect Notre Dame? (No). Despite all of that, 4-8 is reprehensible for this team, Binns and Collaros should have been money all year, and the team is only going to be stuck in the basement while more skill players leave and don't get replaced because Butch Jones doesn't have Brian Kelly's silver tongue. It'll be interesting to see if Cincinnati can recover form such a disappointing season, with their lack of any history of success besides that Sugar Bowl.

Album: Squeeze - The Velvet Underground

What do you get when you subtract Sterling Morrison (Gilyard) and Lou Reed (Kelly) and try to make an album? The Cincinnati Bearcats 2010 Football Season.

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via www.alistairsdream.co.uk

Bonus: Brian Kelly awkwardly talking about how abortion relates to Notre Dame football

 

 

8. Rutgers, 4-8 (The natural order of things restored)

I'm going to completely dispense with reviewing with happened this season to Rutgers and mostly just completely bash the fanbase, but there will be some comments on their season this year as well. First off, this is what Rutgers has to show after their time at the sun, during which in the eyes of the fans they dominated this conference besides a few bad breaks. A career highlight in the Texas Bowl, beating a 7-5 Kansas State team, no conference championships, not a single notable OOC victory, and records of 10-2, 7-5, 7-5. and 8-4. Only two times did Rutgers ever had a winning record in conference. There seems to be a lack of correlation between results on the field and the fans perception of the results on the field. In summary, holy shit am I glad that Rutgers finally has a record to reflect how bad they really are. I mean seriously, Rutgers never won a game against a 1-A opponent by more than 5 points. Rutgers could have easily gone 1-11! THAT IS THE RUTGERS I KNOW AND LOVE. So in spite of all of this, how do Rutgers fans have such an inflated sense of worth. Is it Schiano's only decent recruiting grab, Anthony Davis? That's another thing, For all the hype Schiano gets as Rutgers head coach, he still lets the best recruits get out of New Jersey, and recruits scraps in Florida. The man is not a good coach on the field, and his recruiting is vastly overrated. He landed Anthony Davis because Anthony Davis was a momma's boy, if the kid had any sense he would have been winning a Sugar Bowl with Ohio State and getting drafted in the Top 10 this spring. I digress though. Congratulations Rutgers, on your wild successes of the past four years. No one dominated the basement of the Big East quite like you did. I mean sure, you could never consistently beat West Virginia, Pittsburgh, or Louisville, but who needs to beat them? All that matters in the end was your opinion, and the fans knew that Rutgers were the true class of the Big East. After all, they were New York's team.

Empirestate_medium

via dogspired.com

 

Album: Other Voices - The Doors

After 5 albums that were good, but massively overrated due to the personality cult that fans of the band gave to Jim Morrison, The Doors fall apart when that personality cult fell apart after his death. I really don't know what they were thinking, this album is horrible.

The_doors_-_other_voices_medium

via gd2ltd.files.wordpress.com

 

Bonus: The equivalent of a People's Republic of China News Report if the team had lost in the 2008 Olympics.

 

 

 

 

A Final Bonus: The highlight of the 2010 Syracuse Football Season

 

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