The Fastest Award Show On Two Feet: The Cuse Awards

The Cuse Awards were last night!!!  But you already know that because you were watching on Time Warner Cable or on SUAthletics.com.  Right? RIGHT?

Since I'm better than you in most ways, I did watch it.  Well, most of it...I missed the first half hour or so.  But I did some running commentary anyway.  You can watch the entire ceremony on SUAthletics.com (nice work by the folks at Sidearm Sports on the feed).  But in case you just want the meaty good stuff, here's some highlights:

Why is it the fastest award show around?  I'm not sure if the winners were told to keep it brief or there was some kind of virus loose on the podium but I don't recall seeing any winning speech that lasted longer than six sentences.  In fact most speeches consisted on a "thank you," an awkward pause and that's about it.  One or two winners didn't even stop walking as they leaned in and spoke. 

• The highlight of the night had to be when they put some of the SU Athlete's tweets up on the big screen.  You can bet the football players will think twice before tweeting about their farts moving forward.
• Everyone was well-groomed and dressed to the nines (people still say that?).  Except, of course, the basketball team.  Polos and untucked shirts for everyone!
• Found out the guy who is Otto...his last name is actually Otto.  "Weird, wild stuff" as BillOrange says.
• Kris Joseph was the co-host and interviewer on the evening.  To sum up how it went, Jim Boeheim said, "I recommend, after seeing KrisJo do his interviews, that he work on his jump shot." Ya burnt.
• At one point one of the admins made a harmless comment about Wes Johnson going pro and how his son was bummed to see Wes go.  Matt Park took to the stage and immediately came out with a mostly-kidding-but-kinda-serious "Wes Johnson could buy and sell you" line.  The lesson is, as always, do not speak ill of Wes Johnson in front of Matt Park.
• "That's the way Canadians celebrate, baby." - Kris Joseph during one of his interviews.
• At one point Gary Gait and John Desko stood together on the stage.  It buckled under the weight of their championship rings.
• Brandon Reese accepted the award for BB Player of the Year on behalf of Andy Rautins.  Major points for a great crack at the "short time" Andy spent with us.  All points lost for smacking his gum the entire time.  Come on, son!
• Most chill-inducing moment of the night, to me...the Jeremy Thompson vignette.  Jeremy won the 2010 Courage Award, which awards players who overcame disadvantages to get where they are.  In the vignette we learned of Thompson's learning disabilities that forced him to attend Onondaga CC instead of getting to Cuse sooner. 
• One very vivacious singer got up at one point to do a medley of songs for the crowd.  First song in that medley was "Big Ego," which is a song about a guy with a giant penis.  Not awkward at all.
• Last year, Syracuse finished 63rd in the NACDA Cup rankings, the school's best ever.  DOC Gross says Syracuse is on pace to blow that number away in 2009-2010.

As for the award winners themselves, the list of what I can remember (and is ultimately what you might care about) is below.  The night belonged to the SU Men's Lacrosse team, obviously.  But the love got spread around a bit.

Team of the Year - Men's Lacrosse

Coach of the Year - James Arthur Boeheim

Female Athlete of the Year - Christina "Katie Rowan Who?" Dove

Male Athlete of the Year - Wes Johnson

Men's BB Player of the Year - Andy Rautins

Men's Lacrosse Player of the Year - Chris Daniello

Football Player of the Year - Ryan "Bart" Bartholomew

Play of the Year - Kenny Nims goal with 4.5 seconds left in regulation to send Syracuse and Cornell to OT in the NCAA title game

Move of the Year - Tim Desko's between-the-legs goal against Princeton (Scoop's killer crossover got robbed!)

Most Improved Team - Womens' Ice Hockey (doubled their wins, ranked #10)

Cuse Cares Award for community service - Football

Full list of winners here.  Congrats to them all.  Now let's everyone enroll in a public speaking class so we can increase our speech times to at least ten seconds.

Post-Award Tweet of the Night comes from FB player Andrew Lewis:

Lesson Learned: inside jokes will be used against you at the Cuse Awards

Now you know.