So, what did you get me for Earth Day? Oh....dirt. Thank you...
Today is a day "designed to inspire awareness and appreciation for the Earth's environment." In other words, today is NOT the day to get in your helicopter so that you can track and shoot wolves for sport. That would be a terrible idea today and I'm kinda surprised you didn't realize that. In fact, why don't you go ahead and put your gun down. Better yet, put it in your gun rack (assuming you have enough guns to necessitate the need for a gun rack). Then slowly walk away, go down to Whole Foods, buy an organic, raw root salad in a biodegradable container and feel good about your day.
But you're not the only one doing good for the planet today. Check out what some of Syracuse's biggest names are doing to help Earth get back to fighting weight.
- Andy Rautins - Instead of environmentally-harmful Axe haircare products, Andy will only use a hair gel concoction that consists of biodegradable gelatin, natural lavender essence, organic honey and fermented moose urine.
- Scoop Jardine - Will change his catchphrase from "ooh yea thats hot" to "ooh yea thats warmer than it has been in years past due to the effects of global warming so we should probably follow the Kyoto Protocol closely."
- Wes Johnson - Will smile directly at the sun for the entire day and transmit the energy created by his pearly-white teeth directly into a Wes Johnson Smile-Powered Home.
- Arinze Onuaku - Will smile for :05 for every $50 raised to fight the destruction of rain forests in Brazil.
- Rob Murphy - Will "Shut It Down." "It" being all major appliances and electricity inside The Melo Center.
- Doug Marrone - By walking at a brisk pace for the full 24-hours, Doug will create enough energy through thigh-friction to power all of Fayetteville.
- DOCTOR Daryl Gross - Vows to recycle many of his cellphones, will only keep nineteen active.
- Juli Boeheim - Hosting a bake sale which features only organic and free-range product-based cheese-dipping sauces. In swimwear.
- Delone Carter - Will stand next to recycling bins on campus, punch anyone who doesn't use them in the face.
- Charley Loeb - Will set up booth on Quad called "Kisses For Carbon-Free Emissions," where he will trade a smooch for a person's promise to buy a more-efficient vehicle today. Women and men both welcome.
- Ryan Nassib - Was originally announced as the coordinator of the "Kisses For Carbon-Free Emissions" booth, was replaced shortly thereafter. Will now just stand nearby with a clipboard.
- Jim Boeheim - His own-man show, "A Night With James Arthur: Fun, Frivolity, Festive Suit Jackets" begins at 8pm. Three-drink minimum.
- Mike Williams - Was expected to be a part of the day's festivities but abruptly quit mid-way through, noting, "IT AINT QUITTIN ON EARTH DAY CELEBRATION IF YOURE NOT WANTED ITS BEIN PRO-MARS REMEMBER THAT."
Perhaps I missed some, please any that I might not know about below...