"The Local: The Jim Boeheim Story"

 As opposed to "The  Express", "The Local" tells the story of a long, bumpy ride that eventually gets you where you want to go.  The screenplay, written by me, is in the process of being cast. Former Senator John Edwards, despite his repeated denials, has been cast as JB's father.  The late actor, Dom DeLuise, was picked as Bernie Fine but he turned it down because he wanted a speaking role. But Stevie Wonder has accepted the part as referee Tim Higgins.  Rin Tin Tin will be Higgin's seeing eye dog.

Angelina Jolie will portray Julie Boeheim but only if her 24 children can sweep the floor during time outs. Social activist, Rev. Al Sharpton, has taken the part of JB's nose. He will picket constantly. Kenneth, the NBC page on "30 Rock" has the role of Mike Hopkins while Conan O'Brien is cast as former DePaul coach, Jerry Wainwright.  Both were fired during the season.

F.B.I. Director Robert Muellar is in the role of Connecticut head coach Jim Calhoun due to Muellar's extensive knowledge of the UConn program. Tiger Woods plays Rick Pitino who plays Bill Clinton.  No explanations needed. Draft beer at the Dome will be played by horse urine. In a controversial move, Dolph Schayes, possibly the greatest Jewish ballplayer of all time, will be portrayed by Mel Gibson. Dick Cheney has been cast as Andy Rautins due to his shooting ability. Filming will be in Baghdad and Kabul to simulate Downtown Syracuse and Destiny.

Rony Seikaly's swimsuit model wife will play herself while I portray Rony.  The lurid sex scenes are vital to the plot and I want to make sure they're done properly. Spike Lee will shave his head and play those two Dome domes, Rob Murphy and Dr. Gross. All contestant's from NBC's "The Biggest Loser" will represent the Rutgers team.

The biggest problem has been casting the actor to play JB. Woody Allen is too short.  Bill Gates has too much hair and nobody knows where Waldo is. I'm open for suggestions.

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