Please, Guys, No Explosives In The Dome This Weekend

by Sean Keeley on Sep 24, 2009 1:47 PM EDT

If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times. If you need to eat food out of your backpack while you play an electronic instrument while throwing a frisbee while on a skateboard, dragging a cooler...please do it BEFORE you enter the Dome. It's people like you who ruin it for the rest of us.

Well, terrorists too. But you're just as complicit.

Federal counter-terrorism officials recently put out some bulletins to local law enforcement agencies warning them about the possibility of potential terrorist attacks at stadiums. Now as we all know, if the terrorists wanted to make a truly impactful statement, they would attack a college football game in the 83rd-largest media market in the nation that involves a 1-AA team and won't be nationally-televised. Only THEN would their power be felt.

And so...the Dome is stepping things up a notch on Saturday.

Prohibited items include all large bags, backpacks, duffel bags, food, beverages, video cameras, artificial noisemakers, air horns, electronic instruments, laser pointers, large signs, flags, banners, any type of ball, frisbees, animals (excluding certified service animals), skateboards, in-line skates, firearms, explosives, bottles, cans, and coolers or other containers, except in cases of medical needs certified by a physician.

Kenny Haas is screwed. That's the entire contents of his duffel bag. AND his duffel bag!

Oh, one thing they forgot to mention. Anyone who tries to enter the Dome on Saturday not wearing an orange shirt or a white shirt with orange lettering or numbers, will not be prohibited inside. Furthermore, they will be deported from New York State.

Thank you for your cooperation.

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Comments

But you can still bring marshmallows

When I went to the game @ Colorado last year I noticed a sign that prohibited Marshmallows from the stadium. I sure felt safe knowing I wouldn’t be pelted with marshmallows inside the stadium.

by JohnRadcliff on Sep 24, 2009 2:19 PM EDT reply actions

Is it me or does this list get pretty non-terroristy

Animals? Who brings animals to the Dome anyway? The lines were long enough on opening day without some shepherd and his flock tacking forever getting through the turnstiles. Are people bringing goldfish? Ferrets? Tabby cats? And if I ever have to sit behind a giraffe again… I’ll go crazy. [Of course, we could have used the animals to help fill up the dome during the GRob-tard era. The official attendance… 32,099 people, 4,232 head of cattle, etc. Sounds a little better and looks better.]

Explosives, however, seem like a good idea to keep out… regardless of the terror warning. Same with firearms. Otherwise… George DeLeone wouldn’t be with us.

“Artificial noisemakers.” Feel free to bring in the natural noisemakers though. Bring two coconuts and pound them together. Or bring in a wolf. Oh wait, no animals. Nevermind.

Can’t we just teach the Dome ticket-takers to profile???

by ezcuse on Sep 24, 2009 2:20 PM EDT reply actions

Actually

coconuts might fit the “any type of ball” descriptor.

My bad.

by ezcuse on Sep 24, 2009 2:22 PM EDT up reply actions

explosives were absolutely prohibited during the GRob Era due to the risk of flashes.

by stumpycuse on Sep 24, 2009 2:24 PM EDT up reply actions

Stumpycuse

+1 – well done

by Russianator on Sep 24, 2009 2:56 PM EDT up reply actions

Cattle

think of the concessions stand as well. $8 per hay bale.

Troy Nunes Is An Absolute Magician - The Syracuse blog that cares.

by Sean Keeley on Sep 24, 2009 3:31 PM EDT up reply actions

Yeah

It would behoove the Dome to take advantage of that opportunity.

Just need to keep the cattle up near Touchdown Town. Perhaps we could call it T-Bone Town or something. Kind of suck being the vendor carrying the bales of hay though.

Or the clean-up crew. Manure and spilled beer.

by ezcuse on Sep 24, 2009 3:55 PM EDT up reply actions