The Big East Media Day Writers' Manifesto

Big East Media Day, which is actually more of a Big East Media Three-Day Thing, is upon us.  The interviews, golf outings and clambakes are about to commence.  Sadly, so are the trite articles by journalists and bloggers that were written last year, and the year before that...and the year before that.  The same old questions will be asked and the same old topics will be broached.  You'll learn very little and the Internet will be clogged further with opinions that have been voices many times before without any solutions.

So I'd like to propose a couple rules that we, the people who follow and write about the Big East, can follow.  Just some simple guidelines that should point you in the right direction and away from just regurgitating the same piece you wrote last year.

1. I will write one and only one story about the possibility of Big East expansion.

And really, I think I'm being kind in allowing one.  We've all read this story before.  I'm pretty sure I've written it five times, let alone everyone else out there.  And there's really nothing new you're going to bring to the table today that we don't already know. 

We already know that, whether it be the near future or down the road, the Big East needs to expand to survive.  It just does.  We know that.  Even Marinatto and his peeps know it even if they're not saying it.

We know the pros (another guaranteed home game, stability) and the cons (lack of attractive teams, basketball affiliations).  We already know who the "players" are... Notre Dame, East Carolina, Memphis, Army, Navy, Villanova.  And we already know their reasons for not being a part of the conference, at least for now.  No need to rehash.

2. I will not write an article questioning whether or not the Big East still belongs in the BCS.

Stop it.  Don't even think about it.  It's a silly notion.  Not only has it been done to death but it's been done to death by people are short-sighted and dumb.  Don't be like that.  Leave that for writers who represent the mediocre ACC and slightly-above-mediocre Big Ten to talk about so they can feel better about their own crumbling conferences.

Just so we're all clear. The solution isn't to strip the Big East of it's BCS automatic bid status.  The solution is to grant the MWC an automatic bid.  I'd say they've proven they deserve one.  Whoever said it had to be six conference with autobids and ONLY six conference?  What would that cost us...a BCS bid for a 9-win SEC team that got jacked in the conference championship game?  Oh noes!

3. I will write sparingly about the possibility of teams leaving for the Big Ten.

Unless you're JoePa, you know that this issue is moot for two reasons.  #1, the Big Ten isn't expanding anytime soon.  #2, what a bummer!  You want to be a bummer?  Go right ahead.  But you know what they'll say.  "That writer, he/she's such a bummer, man.  Just bummin' me out, bro."  I don't know why "they" are California surfers, but "they" are.

Though I think it might be fair to mention the fact that, if the Big Ten asked Rutgers, Syracuse or (maybe) Pittsburgh to join the conference, they would all say yes.  You know they would.

4. I will not make excuses for the Big East.

Really, we don't need you to defend the conference.  Anything you say will be easily refuted or challenged anyway.  You might as well just be honest that, at best, the Big East stayed in place, and worst case, took a step back last season. If you want to try and prove otherwise, it just won't work.

Want to say we play a strong OOC schedule?  They'll just point to the strength of the conference teams itself.  And Rutgers.  Want to say UConn, South Florida and Cincy are up-and-coming?  Great, no one in Tuscaloosa, Tallahasee or Los Angeles is impressed. Want to mention how well the Big East does in BCS bowl games?  This is a "what have you done for me lately?" world and Cincy laid an egg last year.  Want to point to two seasons ago as proof the Big East is back?  That was two seasons ago...might as well be two decades.

5.  I will make fun of Rutgers for their pitiful excuse for a schedule.

Howard, Texas Southern, Florida International and Army.  Yep, it's really happening.

6. I will not make excuses for Bill Stewart.

He seems like a really nice guy.  He really does.  You know who else seemed like a really nice guy?  Greg Robinson.  Nice guys don't finish first in college football.  Nice guys end up being someone else's defensive coordinator.  You should be fearing for Bill right now, not propping him up. 

He's got a tough schedule, no Pat White and...no Pat White.  And did I mention he almost got out-coached by Greg Robinson last season?  YIKES!

7. I will not write sonnets about Doug Marrone's thighs, no matter how intoxicating those milky-white stumps look and enraptured I become.

Think I'm making  joke?  Wait til you see those puppies in action.