Oh, The Slices You'll Eat
Incoming Syracuse freshman...WELCOME! Well, as much as I can actually welcome you since I'm actually 3,000 miles away. I'm kinda like the stewardess on the plane that just welcomed you to your destination even though she just got there the same time as you. Not quite right and yet...it still makes sense.
So many wonders and exciting moments for you to behold in the coming days. New friends! New classes! New beers! I'm here to help if you have any questions. My advice? Keep it simple. You don't want to be The Guy Who Ended Up Naked In The Elevator your first week at school. That shit will haunt you for the next four years, thereby defeating the entire point of going away to college i.e. to wipe the slate clean on your reputation. Wait until you're at least a sophomore to wake up naked in the elevator. By then it'll be edgy and hilarious.
I do want to talk to you about one thing, however. Food. You're going to be eating a lot of it. I know, I know, you're aware of the Freshman 15 and you're going to do your best not to fall into that trap. That'll last a while...at least until your eigth Keystone Dry on Friday night. Around that time you're gonna be so hungry you'll start imagining your roommate is a walking hot dog (if he's skinny) or hamburger (if he's chubby) like in those Bugs Bunny cartoons. I suggest you stop licking your licks ominously and head down to one of the many eateries at your disposal.
Look, if we're gonna go do this, we're gonna do it all-out. Doug Marrone-style. 110%. Below are my suggestions on how to take advantage of what's out there. I'm not suggesting that you pack on the pounds to the point of obesity. I'm very much against that. I'm just saying...I know you're gonna be an idiot about this. So you might as well be the best idiot you can be.
#1 - The Sbarros Ziti Slice
Let's get this out of the way first. You're going to eat a lot of pizza over the course of four years. I mean, a LOT of pizza. I know, you're sitting there saying, "I'm from Staten Island/Belmar/Lindenhurst, I know about pizza, a-hole." I'm sure you know about pizza, but you haven't yet begun to eat it. I promise you that. Cause here's the thing about college...it's the only time in your life where a slice of pizza is considered a side dish. Once you accept that, you will understand just how much cheese, sauce and dough you are about to ingest. And if you're gonna do it, DO IT.
It's a slice of pizza. It's baked ziti. It's both. It's neither. It's awful. It's delicious.
Besides, try as you might, you can't outrun Sbarros on the Syracuse campus. It will find you. It will own you.
The Slice Of Pizza With A Side Of Ranch Dressing
Oh, I assure you the slice AND the ranch dressing don't actually look anything like this photo.
Here's what I wrote in my 2007 Welcome to new students (with a slight edit):
It's 3am. The pizza van on University Place and Ostram. You ask for a slice of pizza. They offer you a side of ranch dressing to go with it. I'm not gonna lie to you, its the greatest edible concoction ever invented. But when you wake up tomorrow, I guarantee you the very thought of it is going to make it all come right back up.
Seriously, I cannot stress this enough...if you can, throw out the remains at the end of the night. You DO NOT want to wake up and see the remaining cup of ranch slop with a slightly hardened film on it next to a half-eaten slice of pizza next to your bed when you wake up. There is nothing more vile.
But it taste amazing at 3am. It really, really does.
Sal's Birdland Wings With Sassy Sauce
It's called Sassy Sauce. What else do you need to know? You could pour a concoction of squid ink, Doug Marrone's thigh sweat and human waste into a 12 oz. bottle, slap a label with the words "Sassy Sauce" on it and I'd chug it down without even thinking about it. That is marketing GENIUS!
Here's the thing about Sal's Birdland Wings...you gotta just put your head down and chew. Because every so often you're gonna bite down and something that's not supposed to be there is gonna be there. Is it a tendon? Is it some kind of sinue-y leftover? Is it a feather? I don't know. Furthermore, I don't want to know. I'm just eating. LIKE A BOSS.
Besides, you've dunked that wing in so much Sassy Sauce at this point, it's irrelevant. Just be careful not to get any Sassy Sauce on your fingers or other extremities. They will be eaten by accident. I've seen it happen. R.I.P. Billy Goldfarb.
Denny's
I mean, it's Denny's. You know what you're in for. Just as an aside, if you're African-American, Asian or Hispanic, you WILL be a part of a hate crime. So...apologies in advance on that.
Cosmos Pizza
If you were judging a pizza place by it's website, Cosmos would not be in good shape. Then again, based on the quality of their pizza, this is exactly how I would expect Cosmos' website to look. They're open late, later than most, so it's very tempting to get Cosmos pizza late-night. I beg of you, try not to. Plan ahead, call up Dorian's around midnight and place and preemptive order. Grab a pie at Acropolis on your way home...maybe better to grab two since the first one will be gone by the time you get there. Just don't eat Cosmos at 2am. I've asked a lot of your stomach so far...but I can't ask it to do this. It's criminal. (I'm not alone in thinking this, clearly)
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That's all just some starer points for you. Use them wisely. I'm sure you'll disregard my warnings, and I'm sure you'll pay for it. You're about to begin a wonderful journey. And when you look back on it all, all the memories, all the good times, all the football loses, all the cherished moments and all the extra pounds...you'll look back to now and remember where it all began.
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cosmos serves breakfast all day
only spot on marshall st. w/ that .. and dont tell me brugers! i’ll always have a warm place in my heart for cosmos. they havent had new silverware since boeheim got to campus either!
not an SU student
but to anyone going there, you are lucky to have the Buffalo chicken pizza. when you realize that you have $10 for beer and food for the night, it allows you to get the benefits of pizza and wings without having to pay for both.
assuming that beer money is a fixed expense, which it is.
and of course, varsity regular cheese pizza is my absolute favorite in the world. it’s basically mandatory to stop there on the way to games. $1.25 slices(unless they raised it again), and $2(correct me if i’m wrong) beer cans help ease the cost of going to an SU game. plus its a warm building in the winter.
And now I’ve realized that I really want some now and can’t have any…
Okay, I know I don't TECHNICALLY go to SU
but what about Varsity? They’ve got great pizza.
Also, a bit of an unrelated note: Have we discovered yet whether Hollywood Hookah continues to live on?
I was re-reading your 2007 bit..
Cried a little inside over Darwins. I graduated in ‘04 and after that it started going downhill fast. By the fall when I went up to visit friends who were seniors that year, they wouldn’t let me in on Thursday half-price night because I wasn’t a current student. What was even more insulting was that the bartender was a former resident of mine when I was an RA. He said it was ownership’s orders because a lot of the local municipal riff-raff were scaring away the students.
I was drunk. I was holding up the line. I was angry. The door-man was of a Mediterranean complexion and he just let half the football team in ahead of me without checking ANY ID. At that point I decided it was smart to loudly complain that “all this place is anymore is guineas & gangsters”….thus promptly bringing to an end my Darwin’s career. Funny, my only public meltdown was AFTER graduation.
I got the last laugh tho, they closed the next spring. Now when I go up on gameday it’s ChucksChucksChucks. Best bar food on campus. Faegens cuisine is still awesome when you’re looking for a real meal tho.
BUT don’t overlook the right-of-passage sojourn that is hiking 45 minutes in the snow to go to Dinosaur’s on the weekend.
The 'Cuse is in tha house, oh my God oh my God.
they wouldn’t let me in on Thursday half-price night because I wasn’t a current student.
Whaaaaa? I’ve never heard of such a thing. That’s idiocy on a level I am unfamiliar with.
Troy Nunes Is An Absolute Magician - The Syracuse blog that cares.
Damn right.
They were checking SUIDs. No tiki no washy.
Also, things took a dive for the bars not known for their food once the smoking ban went into place. Who wanted to sit around in a bar where they couldn’t have secondary oral stimulation? (so many ways to go with that)
That’s why Chucks and Faegans cemented their supremacy…bountiful food to replace the cigs.
The 'Cuse is in tha house, oh my God oh my God.
ahhh Darwin's
spent a lot of fun Thursdays for 2-4-1 there… still have some mugs that I got there during one Superbowl that say Spring of the previous year… then of course the Smash used tp hang out there after games…. sorry, carry on
When I went up on my tour
my dad took me to this middle eastern place on Marshall street. I want to say it was called King David’s or something? Anyway, utterly delicious.
(both my parents went to grad school at Cuse. well my dad at SUNY Upstate Medical Center, but my mom at Cuse).
NittanyWhiteOut.com. Arguably the second best Penn State blog I know of.
Never ate there
but wish I had tried it out. Ah, regrets…
Troy Nunes Is An Absolute Magician - The Syracuse blog that cares.
awesome Falafel
I’m going to make the trip up a couple times during basketball season, and ensure that I eat there.
NittanyWhiteOut.com. Arguably the second best Penn State blog I know of.
by Devon Edwards on Aug 25, 2009 5:58 PM EDT up reply actions
BTW Panda West is STILL unreal.
Last fall I had lunch with Prof Dubin there, fast service and Huh-YOUGE portions.
The 'Cuse is in tha house, oh my God oh my God.
No Tully’s Tenders mention? I know it is not on campus or right off it but it is not that far either and worth the drive if you or a friend have a car.
Took you long enough...
to mention Tully’s
Troy Nunes Is An Absolute Magician - The Syracuse blog that cares.
I'm on my way across the street.
I’ll toast some Tully’s love to the Left coast with my first drink.
How salty do you want your popcorn? “Burn a roof in your mouth” or “kill a slug”?
The 'Cuse is in tha house, oh my God oh my God.
OOHHH Tully's here in Vestal/Binghamton is across from where I work.
I’ve just been inspired to go get some wings and a Bloody Tully.
Thank you guys.
You are true inspirations.
The 'Cuse is in tha house, oh my God oh my God.
Sean,I would have mentioned Tullys sooner but the wife sent me to the store for some stuff I forgot earlier and had to actually do something on my blog for once haha.
StrawHatGuy, Anything I can do to inspire Tullys in the hearts of many, I consider my day well spent. I am about 90% sure I am going to Cuse for weekend of 9/12 for a cousin’s wedding and it is on my agenda as well. Popcorn, I love just a little salty but that is only because of my blood pressure and I need to save room for the tenders, the slaw, the wings and the beer or Dew, depending on where I am going after dinner.
at the risk of sounding ignorant..
what is your blog?
The 'Cuse is in tha house, oh my God oh my God.
The Big Orange Bloggers http://thebigorangebloggers.blogspot.com/ and not knowing about it does not make you ignorant one bit. My blog is like hit and miss, most times you can miss a week of it and not miss anything much at all and then other weeks it might almost be worth reading. I personally liked the one I did the other day on Coach Marrone’s “expanding” playbook haha.
by Orange Chuck on Aug 25, 2009 6:21 PM EDT up reply actions
Saba(s)tino’s on Westcott… the greatest day of my life was when I discovered that they delivered beer.
ya who doesn't like a place where you can get
a pack of smokes, 2 blunts, a pizza, a loaf of bread, a 12 pack of beer and a bag of chips all delivered from the same location.. i think that the liquor store across the street delivers as well! winning combo.
We need a case of Old English and some wings
Always great in a pinch…wish I could remember who delivered us a keg on the corner of Van Buren. Shadiest transaction ever.
Tully's
I’ll forever remember Tully’s as the place I watched GMac’s last home game because I failed to obtain tickets before they sold out.
It was a sad, sad day.
At least you got to enjoy some great Tullys Dan, it could have been worse like watching at home like some of us did.
by Orange Chuck on Aug 25, 2009 6:23 PM EDT up reply actions
Such good memories
…I was one of those guys in the tents @ the dome. TRob even delivered a ton of greasy kimmel food to our little tent city.
No fried chicken quesadillas at SU?
You’ll have to forgive me; I went to a junky D3 school in Missouri (Washington University)
As an incoming freshman...
I have to say thank you very much for the guide I can’t wait for this haha
Heed my warnings, Ryan.
And enjoy your ass off.
Troy Nunes Is An Absolute Magician - The Syracuse blog that cares.
May I add
that when camping outside the Dome six nights before a basketball game vs. Louisville, ordering Wings from Wings at 3:15 to Gate E is an appropriate way to warm yourself.
Syracuse '12
As another incoming freshman...
Love the blog have been reading for a couple years figured I would finally sign up for an account. Thanks for your advice. I’m excited to experience this hahaha.
CUSE '13
FOLLOWING UP.
Went to Tully’s!
Had Louisiana Crab dip while waiting for take out order, along with Rolling Rock Tall followed by a Bloody Tully. Got some Tenders for the wifey, and hot wings that I’m about to dig into for a night time snack!
You Freshmen from outside of Upstate NY:
Learn it. Live it. Love it.
The 'Cuse is in tha house, oh my God oh my God.
Denny’s? WTF! IHOP or if you want to be sophisticated The Eggplant, please.
No love for El Saha or Pita Pit? Those were the go to places after the bars my junior/senior years. I like El Saha better because it was cheaper and they stuffed the pitas with more meat.
$1 slices at Acropolis, where they also sold beer and had tables to sit at was money after the bars as well.
The Twister wrap (does that still exist?) from KFC or the chicken strips were how I spent the majority of my dining dollars at Kimmel.
~K
"As the governor of Louisiana once said, the only way Chris Kelsay can lose his job is if he got caught in bed with a dead girl or a live boy."
All good additions
This was about deciphering the most heinous crap that will be ingested. Pita Pit, which I ate regularly, is way too healthy for inclusion. And IHOP doesnt have quite the history of racial injustice that Denny’s provides.
Troy Nunes Is An Absolute Magician - The Syracuse blog that cares.
by Sean Keeley on Aug 26, 2009 10:26 AM EDT up reply actions
KALZONIES.
The perfect food after you have had a few too many… delivers till 4 in the morning, delicious Calzones, and any flavor you can think of. Just tremendous…
Kalzonies opening during first semester was clutch
Especially with them being the last place open every night
Syracuse '12
by blackknight76 on Aug 26, 2009 12:37 AM EDT up reply actions
Is Ziggy and his Wagon
still around? He use to own the food truck parked on University place from 1993-97. He served crap, but at 2:00 am and beyond, it was the best food on the planet. He also sold every narcotic known to man out of that same bus, so I imagine he couldn’t have substantial staying power. Nothing like a salt bagel with an egg, sausage, cream cheese and a bag of weed after five hours + of power drinking. Ahhh to be young again.
Zippy is not around
I believe he went to prison for a little while because of the 2nd part of your order from him.
Dorian's
(315) 472-2697 … put that number in your phone right now. On Westcott but that dosent matter… they deliver. Any of the greek god subs are great. Artemis is my favorite.
Dont get down on Forrest, no one has moves like Anderson Silva.
I second this.
Their pizza is my favorite in Syracuse (best topping/flavor options) and their Greek god subs are excellent.
If you want a strange trip to a diner with great greasy food:
Doc’s Little Gem. Go at 2 or 3 in the morning. Crazy collection of people. Delicious, if not completely unhealthy. food.
Augies rules all for cheap drunk eats
and conveniently next to chuck’s the only hill bar worth going to anymore (unless tuesday or wed. for beer tour and flip night). Also Dorians, Wings, and Number 1 kitchen are the only take out places to consider having delivered that is all.

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