Octonion: Revenge Of The Fallen
by Sean Keeley on Feb 3, 2009 10:30 AM EST
in The Octonion
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PrintA secret society of the eight wealthiest mascots in the Northeast convenes at an estate in Providence, RI, otherwise known as Mike Tranghese’s basement (at least for the next couple months). Chips and mango-peach salsa are served.
They control the Northeastern bank money supplies, Fort Dix, ESPN and the Weslyan College student newspaper.
They are known as The Octonion.
OTTO!!!
Tra-la-la...tra-la-la...
Otto, explain yourself NOW!
Gillyweeds and gingerbread!
No. No gillyweeds. No gingerbread. I need answers right now.
I is just a wittu guy.
I don't believe you. Why are you doing this to me? Why are you stealing my recruits? Isn't beating me on a consistent basis enough?
Boysenberries and lozenges!
What's going on here?
Stay out of this Knight. This is between me and the fruit.
What did I do?
No, not...I'm talking about Otto! I demand to know why you're doing this.
Otto not-
NO! You can't back out of this and keep spouting nonsensical phrases and expect me to just forget it. Aren't I at enough of a disadvantage with Kragthorpe?
Vasecto-
STOP IT NOW!
Otto don't know-
TELL ME!!!
Francophones and-
TELL ME NOW!!!
Daisyjuice....and...and...and....
AWWWWWW FUCK THIS SHIT!!!!!
What the hell?
King Richard's lance!
What the shitballs just happened?
SHUT UP. ALL OF YOU. THE CHARADE ENDS NOW. YOU CALLED DOWN THE THUNDER WELL NOW YOU'VE GOT IT.
Otto, how are you-
OH LET'S ALL CUT THE BULLSHIT, SHALL WE? YOU KNOW, LIKE HOW WE LIKE TO PRETEND YOU HAVE ANY SHOT IN HELL NEXT YEAR WITHOUT PAT WHITE?
I...but...Noel Devine...
BILL STEWART.
But...Noel Devine.
BUT...BILL STEWART.
Noted.
Otto, calm down now!
ZERO TO THREE?
What?
0-3? REALLY?
I had an off-night.
YOU HAD AN OFF-LIFE!
Someone, fetch me my warhammer.
SOMEONE SHOULD FETCH YOU A CREDIBLE BOWL BERTH!
Otto, you can't talk to us that way. There are rules.
I'VE PLAYED BY THE RULES LONG ENOUGH. LOOK WHERE IT GOT US. YOU GOT INTO THE CONFERENCE. YOU IN THE ORANGE BOWL. YOU! WHAT THE HELL WERE WE THINKING?
You better step back before I squeeze you, little man.
GO FOR IT. YOU'LL START STRONG BUT EVENTUALLY TIRE AND FADE. THAT'S WHEN I'LL GOUGE YOUR FUCKING EYES OUT AND FEED THEM TO GROTHE.
Heavens, Otto. You're scaring me.
OH, YOU'RE SCARED NOW? KNOW WHO ELSE SHOULD BE SCARED? YOUR BOY EDSALL. OH, YOU DON'T WANT TO COME PLAY WITH US, RANDY? EAT A DICK.
Someone, call...someone.
AND YOU...QUESTION, WHAT DO A BEAUTIFUL THREE BEDROOM COLONIAL HOME WITH CENTRAL HEATING IN ANN ARBOR, MICHIGAN AND STEVE KRAGTHORPE HAVE IN COMMON? GREG ROBINSON OWNS BOTH OF THEM!
Otto, we can't have you like this in meeting.
YOU CAN'T? YOU CAN'T NOT HAVE ME LIKE THIS.
That's a double negative.
YOUR BOWL APPEARANCE WAS A DOUBLE NEGATIVE. I'VE HAD IT, PLAYING THE ROOK TO YOUR BISHOPS. IT'S OVER. I'M DONE POLISHING YOUR BISHOPS. I'M THE MOTHER FUCKING KING NOW!
What does this mean...it was a lie? You really didn't care about honeysuckles and moonbeams?
WHO THE FUCK TALKS LIKE THAT? SERIOUSLY???
Hey Otto look, it's another Big East team's two-star recruit.
WHERE!?! HE'S MINE!!! MINE MINE MINE!!! I'M A WEALTHY MISER!
(Thwack! A sock full of quarters hits Otto on the back of the neck. Er...rind.)
What the hell was that?
I don't know but we're gonna need to contain it. God have mercy on all our souls if that...thing...is ever unleashed.
I say, we continue to play just well enough as a conference to maintain our BCS standing but never really give our detractors a reason to think we're elite. If they did, they might find out the horrifying truth.
That Cincinnati is screwed next year when Brian Kelly leaves?
No...that Otto is a monster. A sleeping monster.
(Otto comes to...)
Otto...is it you? Are you okay???
.........fried dough and jamborees!
You can find records of the previous Octonion meetings below:
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Awesome. Can't believe I'm fired up for football in Feb.
Still, my all time favorite post name is “Half-backery”
The 'Cuse is in tha house, oh my God oh my God.
I hope that this comes to pass...
…that when it comes to football, we are DONE fucking around and being everyone’s Big East bitch. We need to unleash the angry Otto in all of us!!!!!!
"(BARF)" - Donovan McNabb, during his game winning drive against Virginia Tech in 1998
Yes
I always wondered what would happen when SU turned it around and I like what I see. Reason 3,692 why Greggers sucked, he turned otto into a superfruit.
YES!
Otto returns to the Octonion and THIS TIME he’s not fucking around!!
GIDDY UP.
I’m legitimately fired up for football season…….already. I can’t wait to read about the spring practices.
FACT: Tombstone is an underrated movie.
FACT: Val Kilmer's performance as Doc Holliday
is one of the ten great performances in the history of cinema.
And you, music lover, you're next
Great movie and great performance.
Oh yeah, great Octonion too. (-:
Nice work
but I can’t stand “Angry Otto.” He just looks stupid. Cute Otto will always be #1 to me.
Go, fight, and win.
Is it "homo" to have the hots for a fuzzy orange?
Or is that just plain fucked up.
“Cute Otto will always be #1 to me. No fucked up.”
Cute Otto
Is absolutely respectable. I mean, that logo is fairly iconic for anyone who became a Syracuse fan in the late 80’s/early 90’s time period, as I did. When I was at ’Cuse (from 1994-1998), he was all over campus and all over merchandise. But, with that being said (and just to cover my bases)…
No homo.
"(BARF)" - Donovan McNabb, during his game winning drive against Virginia Tech in 1998
It's about time Otto got mad
Definitely didn’t see this kind of twist coming.
The Octonion 2
Otto with a Vengance.
This time, it’s for real !!
Nunes, you clever bastard....
….you did it again. Thank you for appeasing the masses.
by Bernie Fine is the Man on Feb 3, 2009 3:25 PM EST reply actions
Well Done
I almost shot beer out of my nose while reading this and that wouldve been alcohol abuse, and we cant have that.
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