ESPN Thinks You're A Sheltered Long Island Jew With An Eating Disorder

ESPN is pretty sure that you're currently getting ready to celebrate Hanukkah and you're eating a giant turkey leg while doing it.

ESPN canceled plans Thursday for a TV ad campaign touting its college basketball coverage after learning that the actors were to depict sometimes crude stereotypes of students at specific colleges.

A leaked memo from Anomaly, a New York agency that has produced past ESPN ads, described a casting call for actors in which it sought someone to portray a Tennessee student as "a slutty girl who would hang out at the cowgirl hall of fame" and a Notre Dame student who is "an Asian kid ... who's always fighting."

Oops, ESPN.

According to the article, ESPN's marketing department just learned of the ad campaign yesterday which means one of two things:

1. ESPN is a liar.
2. You're the worst marketing department in the history of history because you didn't know a million-dollar corporate ad campaign was already in motion.

So yes, Syracuse was bestowed with a place at the table for this campaign, which would have featured a rep from each school working at the ESPN call center.  Here's what they think sums you up:

MALE. Jewish kid from Long Island that is loving the college experience. It has opened up a world he never knew existed. All you can eat buffets in the cafeteria — who knew? To Syracuse, everything is a party.

Jokes on you, ESPN.  I'm a sheltered New Jersey Jew with an eating disorder.  Bet you feel pretty stupid.

So...are you gonna finish that Filet O'Fish?

How bout some of the other "stereotypes?"

[ CONNECTICUT ]

MALE. Connecticut is all things Connecticut. He's a little bit older. He's a little bit thicker around the waist. He's WHITE. He's also competitive. Very. Waspy, blue blood.

Actually, that sounds about right.

[ LOUISVILLE ]

MALE. Louisville is very true to place. He's short. He's HISPANIC. And one day he hopes to carry on in proud Louisville tradition and race thoroughbreds.

Very adament about the HISPANIC thing.  I've always thought Pitino sounded Dominican...

[ VILLANOVA ]

MALE. Villanova is the poor man's Duke — he's not quite as handsome, he's not quite as rich, he's not quite as dapper. After 2 or 3 beers though, who cares? As he's friendly enough.

Ouch, Villanova.  You're a fucking douchebag.

[ NOTRE DAME ]

MALE He's an ASIAN kid who is in to all things Notre Dame, ridiculously so. Oh, and he's always fighting. Every time we encounter him he always has some words or another, be it the faint traces of a black eye, or a scab or whatever. He epitomizes the fightin' Irish.

Irish...Asian...they all look the same.

[ PITTSBURGH ]

FEMALE. Pittsburgh is a tomboy. She obviously grew up in the neighborhood and isn't going to take any guff from anyone and she'll wallop you in the eye with a crowbar if you suggest different. So don't. Think Tina Fey type.

She grew up in "the neighborhood?"  What does that even mean?  And who says "wallop?" And why did the person who wrote this think Tina Fey is a gangsta?

[ GEORGETOWN ]

FEMALE. Georgetown, a 4.36 GPA who's lived in 9 world-class cities, but all the time in her sister's shadow (her GPA is 4.37). She's sort of the female Duke, except most people like her. Think Reese Witherspoon.

It'll be the first time anyone has compared a Georgetown co-ed to Reese Witherspoon.

[ MARQUETTE ]

FEMALE. Marquette, on a scale of 1-10, she's a six. A B-, C in every category you can define a person by. Her defining characteristic is you don't really remember her. You're not breaking your arm to get to her, but you're not chewing it off to get away. She does have a winning personality though. Midwest, sweet girl.

Man, how do you go in for that audition?  "Hi, i'm the six."

Huge H/T: Dan R.